


Destroy My Petals, Rebuild My Flower

by MasterFinland



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Babies, Blow Jobs, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Body Shaming, Body Worship, Bonding, Boypussy, Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, Cunnilingus, Dark, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Femininity, Feminization, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Forced Pregnancy, Healing, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Knotting, Lack of Communication, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Making Love, Mates, Mating, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mating Rituals, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Multiple Orgasms, Nervousness, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Pain, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Mpreg, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Pregnancy, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sad, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem, Self-Hatred, Self-Lubrication, Sexual Assault, Slow Build, Slow To Update, Smut, Some Fluff, Squirting, Stillbirth, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, eventually, im really sorry, victor is very patient, yuuri gets better slowly but surely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterFinland/pseuds/MasterFinland
Summary: Every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know that one day I will have a body that you will have never touched.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dark, I just want everyone to be warned.  
> Victor is NOT the abuser or rapist in this story, it was a previous relationship of Yuuri's that will be explained later.  
> This will be slow, and it will be sad.

The omega shifted nervously, eyes trained on the floor. He held his bag against his chest, pressed tightly against the side of the large Russian beside him.

 

“It’s almost our stop, Yuuri, it’s alright.” The alpha’s voice was soft, comforting. Yuuri could feel the tension in his shoulder blades. 

 

He pressed his face into the taller man’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut. His breathing picked up. People kept touching him, people kept moving, and  _ god, _ if he didn’t get out of here he was going to freak out and oh god he was already crying, he couldn’t breathe-

 

_ Bing! Bing, bing! _

 

The omega jolted, only not rushing off the subway due to his boyfriend’s arm around his waist. 

 

“Slowly, Yuuri, relax. Breathe with me, okay? We’re almost there.” The alpha led him off the train, helping him above, helping him to the street. 

 

When they arrived the omega took deep, gasping breaths, chest slowly becoming less constricting, his mind slowly coming back. The Russian alpha rubbed his back, whispered soothing words to the Japanese man. 

 

“I'm sorry, Victor.” The words spilled from his lips, his throat aching, burning. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Shh, sweetheart. Shh, it's alright. Don't be sorry.” Victor cupped his mate’s face, stroking his damp cheeks with his thumbs. “I'm not upset with you. It's okay.” He pressed a kiss to his forehead, earning a sniffled giggle from the skittish man. “Ready to go?”

 

The omega nodded, pulling away and lacing their fingers together.

 

* * *

 

 

_ “N-No, alpha, no, p-please.” Yuuri hiccuped, fingers fisted in the sheets. “P-Please, please, I'm s-sorry, I’m s-so sorry, I w-won't d-do it a-again.” He blubbered, tears freely spilling down his pudgy cheeks.  _

 

_ “Quiet, omega!” The man above him, his alpha, snarled, delivering a harsh slap to the Japanese man’s ass. “Why were you looking at that alpha, huh? Am I not enough of an alpha for you?” He leaned over him, two fingers pressed against the opening of his pussy, ready to shove them inside whenever he felt like it.  _

 

_ “N-No, no!” Yuuri sobbed, pressing his face further into the pillow. “Y-You're e-enough, e-enough!” He wailed. “M-More than e-enough!” He was crying so hard he could feel himself about to puke. He could taste his own vomit in the back of his throat.  _

 

_ “Shut up!” The fingers were pressed into his pussy roughly, and it  _ burned _ , it ached. The alpha’s nails scratched the inside of him, as he never bothered to clip them.  _

 

_ Yuuri choked on sobs, shaking and hurting, begging softly for his alpha to please, please stop, please, it hurts, I'll be good, please-  _

 

_ He hissed as the fingers were removed, pulled out with no care. He tensed, clawing at the sheets when the head of the alpha’s cock pressed against his throbbing cunt, biting back a scream when he slammed inside, rough and fast. His thrusts were quick, and thankfully it took only a few minutes before it was done, before the alpha finished, pulling away.  _

 

_ He didn't knot, he never did, which Yuuri was thankful for, even in his pain and fogged mind, because he knew he wouldn't be able to take it.  _

 

_ “If I see you looking at another alpha like that again, you won't be able to walk.” _

 

_ Yuuri hiccuped pitifully into his pillow, the clank of the alpha’s belt as he fixed himself even through the ringing in his ears and his sobs.  _

 

_ “Have dinner ready by the time I'm home from work. And clean yourself up, you look like a whore.”  _

 

_ Yuuri tensed, shaking so violently his legs slipped out from under him the moment the bedroom door slammed.  _

 

_ He was alone again.  _

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri jolted awake, rolling over the side of the bed and puking the contents of his stomach onto the floor. He barely managed to avoid the carpet, coughing and gagging, spitting and gasping when he was finished. His throat burned, tears leaking down his face from the force of being sick. 

 

He felt a warm hand on his back, and he knew, he always knew, that this was  _ not  _ his old partner. This was Victor, this was his mate. It was Victor touching him, not --  Victor would never lay a hand on him, would never raise his fist, would never force Yuuri into anything, would never  _ hurt  _ him. 

 

He relaxed back into the touch, a cool hand pressing against his forehead. “You have a fever, Yuuri. Let's get you cleaned up, alright? Can you sit up?” Victor spoke softly. 

 

Yuuri nodded, vision blurred. He sat up on his elbows, tucking his legs under himself. “I'm sorry.” He croaked, turning to him blearily. 

 

“Don't be sorry, Yuuri. It's not your fault, you couldn't help it.”

 

The omega nodded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Victor shifted Yuuri into his lap, lifting him up and carrying him to the en suite. 

\----------------------

 

Victor dabbed at his forehead gently with a washcloth, crooning quietly in his chest. “Are you alright?”

 

“I dreamt of him…” Yuuri whispered, staring blankly at his legs under the water. 

 

“What was he doing to you,  _ lyubov’?”  _ He asked softly, brow creased with worry. 

 

“I-I…” he bit down hard on his lower lip, hands trembling. 

 

“The therapist says it's good for you to talk about it, sweetheart.” The alpha murmured, combing his fingers through Yuuri's thick curls. “But I won't force you. If you need to rest, if you're afraid to tell me, that's okay. As long as you don't bottle it in.”

 

Yuuri nodded, blinking, tears dripping off his lashes. “Okay.” He whispered. 

 

“How can I help, Yuuri? How can I make it better.”

 

“Just… please, don’t… don't leave, okay?” He looked over at him, face droopy, eyes sad and pain-filled. 

 

“Of course not, Yuuri. I wouldn't dream of it.”


	2. Tear the Petals Into Pieces, Rip Them Up With Your Bare Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mari was supposed to marry the wealthy business man, but Yuuri knew his sister. He knew she didn't want to get married, didn't want children.
> 
>  
> 
> So he volunteered in her place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus this is some dark shit

_It started because they were running out of money. No matter what they did, no matter how many jobs Yuuri took, no matter how many his sister took, they weren't making enough._

 

_The onsen, his parents hard-earned business that they loved almost as much as their own children, was going to fail._

 

_Mari was supposed to marry the wealthy business man, but Yuuri knew his sister. He knew she didn't want to get married, didn't want children._

 

_So he volunteered in her place._

 

_He'd always loved children, had always wanted them. He'd always wanted a mate, someone to love, someone to love him in return. He'd always thought he would get the chance to fall in love, to let things happen, but that wasn't how the real world worked, he realized that very early on._

 

_You don't get what you want, you don't get the fairytale ending, because there isn't one. You marry into a wealthy family to save your own, to keep your mother’s prized business, her onsen, alive and running, keep your family alive and healthy, not starving and bathing in the community showers to save on the water bill._

 

_Yuuri was fine with it._

 

_He would suck it up, he would be a good omega, a good mother, a good mate. The alpha would pay their bills in exchange for his hand in marriage, that was the deal. They'd all signed the papers._

 

_There was no wedding ceremony, there was no sweet honeymoon, just a quick scribble of their names and a signature from a minister. There was a quick peck to the lips- Yuuri's first kiss, one of his only from the alpha- and a silent ride to his new home._

 

_They didn't sleep together, like people did in stories, didn't make love slowly into the night. Instead, they went to sleep, curled away from each other, a pit of sadness in Yuuri's stomach, so painful it made his chest hurt._

 

_His new husband went to work early the next day, and Yuuri woke alone, a virgin in his marital bed, an unbonded omega._

 

_It wasn't until the alpha came home that evening, late, after dinner, that they had sex. It wasn't making love, not even close, but a rough first time that snapped his hymen, blood dribbling and mixing with the semen of his new husband. He'd cried into his pillow after his mate went to sleep, holding the throbbing, messy spot between his legs until he could cry no more, falling into a restless sleep early in the morning._

 

_He hadn't even orgasmed._

 

* * *

 

 

_It didn't take long for the abuse to start._

 

_At first, it was just quiet comments, growled out after a hard day at work. Then the words came more often, spat out slurs where his alpha showed his distaste for his new omega- comments about his weight, his features- plain, round, boring- his eyes- such a beautiful shade of brown lost on an uncaring, hateful person._

 

_It wasn't long before Yuuri began to hate his body. He hated his face, hated looking in the mirror, hated bathing, hated being naked. He hated seeing the little rolls on his stomach- which weren't even all that large, but were so huge in his eyes, so ugly and prominent. He hated his face, round and plain, acne dotting his nose and jawline, sometimes his forehead. He hated his eyes- he once thought them beautiful, had loved their color, but now he despised them- they were so boring, so plain, so common._

 

_He understood why his mate only wanted to take him from behind, or fuck into his mouth until he nearly puked, throwing insults with each mistake, with each thrust, with each smack._

 

_It didn't take more than a few months, when Yuuri was just shy of his nineteenth birthday, for the abuse to become physical too._

 

_It started with a violent tug on his wrist, a harsh jab in the side, a tight grip on his arm._

 

_Then it was strong fingers holding his chin so tight he saw stars, pinches to his stomach, nails digging into the flesh of his ass, a hand around his throat as his alpha used him as a cum dump on the dinner table._

 

_It quickly became bruised cheeks he had to cover with makeup, bite marks along his throat, bruises around his eyes from being hit._

 

_Yuuri learned very, very quickly to shut up, to take the nasty words, to endure the punches, to bite his lip so hard that it bled while his alpha took him from behind, giving no care for the pain he caused._

 

_The alpha demanded a blowjob the moment he got home, and Yuuri always obediently dropped to his knees and opened his mouth, eyes squeezed shut, trying to prepare his throat for the cock that would be shoved into it. He learned to always drink honey before, that way it would hurt less, and his throat would already be lubricated and soft._

 

_Rough hands, large and thick, would hold his hair in a near death grip, would yank and pull until tears leaked out of Yuuri's eyes, but he stayed still, stayed quiet._

 

_When his alpha finished he went to work more in his study, and Yuuri was left to clean himself, to brush his teeth and start on dinner. He had to ignore his shaking legs, the tears still spilling down his cheeks as he cooked, as he set the table, as he served food._

 

_He would get his alpha when the meal was done, always getting some kind of comment- “don't interrupt me while I'm working, omega”, “this is disgusting, where did you learn to fucking cook? Make something else”- and Yuuri would nod, reply with a silent “yes sir”, and remake dinner._

 

_There was sex every night, if it could be called that, rough and painful, Yuuri crying himself to sleep afterwards, never knowing any kind of gentle touch to his body, never hearing any kind words, just insults- “fat slut”, “pig”, “omegan whore”- that shook him to the core, that lodged themselves in the recesses of his brain to come back when he stood in front of the mirror, too scared to touch himself, too scared to enjoy himself._

 

_But, even so, Yuuri endured it, dealt with it._

 

_He went to the grocery every day, always at the same time. He bought everything he was supposed to, picked up his husband’s specially cleaned and tailored suits, brought them home and hung them up. He never ate lunch, stopped doing that shortly after he turned nineteen. He cleaned each room thoroughly, top to bottom, filled the hummingbird feeder in the backyard._

 

_He dealt with the beatings, the words, the painful sex that left him raw, sometimes bloodied and in pain for days afterwards, because there was never a break._

 

_He was doing this for his family, and he did not matter. If his family was living, his mother, his sister, his father, the puppy he had to leave behind because his husband didn't like him, then he was fine, and he would deal._

 

_He would suck it up, even when he got pregnant for the first time at almost twenty, miscarried eight weeks in, and got beat for it, his husband screaming about how he'd murdered their child, how he couldn't even handle the simple task of carrying a baby in his belly, like he was genetically engineered to do._

 

_He was pregnant three more times, each pregnancy ending with blood, bruises, tears, and harsh words that would never leave- baby killer, murderer, useless omega._

 

_He was pregnant the second time at six months after trending twenty, miscarried at fifteen weeks. The next time, the third failed pregnancy, was when he turned twenty-one, and he lost the child less than a month in. The fourth and final pregnancy was when he was twenty-two, and he lost the baby at almost twenty weeks, nearly halfway there- it was a little girl, they'd told him once they had to physically remove the child from inside of him with surgery._

 

_That one hurt the most, because he saw his daughter, his little girl, limp and blue and lifeless in the doctor’s arms, wrapped in a blanket. She wasn't developed properly, of course not, not at nineteen weeks, her lungs unable to move on their own. Her umbilical cord had disconnected somehow, a nurse had explained- she’d starved._

 

_Faulty, useless, broken, scarred, stupid, incapable, hopeless._

 

_That's what he was. He couldn't even carry a baby to term, couldn't feed his daughter, not even inside of him, had to watch them pull her tiny, three pound, lifeless body from his stomach._

 

_Nothing had ever hurt more, not the beatings, not the rapes, not the words. Nothing had ever hurt as much as this, as being the one responsible for killing his daughter._

 

_It was his fault._

 

_Yuuri ran, didn't look back, just ran and ran and ran, far, far the fuck away from this place, got on a plane and kept running._

  
_It was all his fault._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow


	3. He Meets Me Where I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He closed the menu and sat it gingerly back on the table, placing his hands in his lap. He kept his shoulders hunched and his head low, trying to be as small and unintrusive as possible. He didn’t understand a lick of Russian, so the conversations happening around him were like white noise as he stared at the table.
> 
>  
> 
> A prickling sensation in the back of his neck caused him to look up, nervously fiddling with his glasses. He met the gaze of the silver-haired alpha in front of him, his blue eyes icy and frightening to the skittish omega. He was frowning, just staring at Yuuri.
> 
>  
> 
> He quickly looked back at his lap."

Yuuri stood outside the airport, legs shaking. There were too many people, too many smells, too many sounds. 

 

He was twenty-three years old, and he hadn’t been in such a crowded place in over five years. He hadn't had to deal with so many people, so many scents- alphas, omegas, pheromones- and so many people speaking, yelling, laughing. 

 

Each time someone was  _ too  _ loud, each time someone got  _ too  _ close, he couldn't help but jump, couldn't help but react. 

 

Loud sounds and touches hadn't been good, gentle, caring, since he was eighteen. 

 

He shouldn't have just left, he should have planned. He had nowhere to go, no home, no job, no money but the small amount he swiped, just one bag stuffed to the brim with his most personal belongings and some clothes he'd managed to squeeze in. 

 

He didn't know what to do. 

 

“Excuse me, sir?”

 

Yuuri looked up, immediately looking back down. He stared at the ground, stared at his feet, tugging at the hem of his pale yellow sweater. It was his favorite one. 

 

“Are you lost? Do you need help?” The man before him offered. He had an accent that sounded Russian or Northern European, Yuuri could tell that much. He had a pretty thick accent himself. 

 

He nodded, just a slight twitch of his chin. 

 

“My name is Georgi.” The man said softly, clearly catching on to Yuuri’s skittishness. “What’s yours? Do you speak English?”

 

“Y-Yes.” He mumbled, peeking up. The man had dark hair and blue eyes, pale skin flushed with cold. His purple scarf was pulled nearly to his ears. “I am Yuuri…” 

 

“That’s really pretty. I have a friend named Yuri, actually.” He smiled, holding his hand out. “I know a place you can stay, if you need one.” 

 

Yuuri stared at the man’s offered hand- was he beta, omega, or alpha? He curled in on himself a little, blinking up at him, nervousness and anxiety chilling him to the core. 

 

“I-I…” He needed a place to stay, God, he did, but he didn't know this person, couldn't trust him, didn't want to impose. 

 

“I don't bite.” Georgi smiled warmly. “I'm meeting some people I work with for lunch. Why don't you tag along? You can think about my offer.” 

 

Yuuri stared at his hand a moment longer before nodding hesitantly, shyly placing his hand around the man’s upper arm. 

 

“So, Yuuri. Do you have a last name?”

 

“Katsuki.” The omega responded softly, gently, voice barely above a whisper. He held his bag in his free hand, the one around Georgi’s arm trembling. 

 

“That sounds exotic.” He laughed, breath puffing into a little cloud as he spoke. “Where are you from?” 

 

“Ah, um…” He scrunched his nose. Ah, fuck, what was the English word- “Ah, Japan…” 

 

“That’s really cool! I’m from Russia, so like, we’re both from the same general area!” Yuuri blinked at his enthusiasm, confused and a little frightened.

 

“Yes… Thank you?” He looked over at the tall Russian, eyes soft and nervous.

 

They walked silently the rest of the way, and Yuuri’s teeth were practically chattering from the cold by the time they reached the restaurant. He barely restrained himself from running inside to get out of the snow. Instead he just held a little tighter to Georgi’s arm.

 

“I just want to warn you that my friends and I can get kind of loud.” He laughed fondly. “But they’re nice, I promise.” The omega nodded, gnawing on his lower lip anxiously as Georgi led him inside and over to a large table, filled with a strange mixture of people, most of them with light skin and light hair, one with short red curls, and another with brown hair pulled into an uncomfortably tight looking bun. They were loud, speaking a language with lots of sharp twists of their tongues that Yuuri didn’t understand. 

 

“Georgi!” The redhead cried, startling Yuuri. “Oh~ Did you find a new cutie on the way over?” She teased, grinning at Yuuri playfully. The omega stared at her with wide eyes, taking one whiff of the air and nearly collapsing.

 

_ Alpha. _

 

Most of these people were  _ alphas _ . The one with silver hair- he seriously couldn’t be that old, and if he was, he certainly didn’t look it- the large frowning man, the redhead, the scary lady with brown hair.

 

They were  _ all alphas. _

 

“Mila, come on!” Georgi whined beside him, bringing him back to himself. “He was lost and I invited him to lunch! Don’t be like that! My heart still belongs to Anya!” He turned back to Yuuri, who noticed a pink tint to his cheeks. “Sorry about that. Hey, guys,” He turned back to the group, paying no mind to the way Yuuri was gripping his arm. “This is Yuuri Katsuki, and he’s from Japan. Yuuri, this is Mila Babicheva, Victor Nikiforov, Yakov Feltsman, Lilia Baranovskaya, and Yuri Plisetsky.” He pointed to each person as he introduced them, and Yuuri waved shyly at them. “Why don’t you sit down and figure out what you want to eat?” 

 

Yuuri nodded, taking a seat across from the silver-haired alpha, next to Georgi and the little blonde- also named Yuri, apparently- who was most definitely not happy to have him there, if the irritated and rather disgusted look he sent Yuuri’s way when he sat was anything to go by.

 

He picked up his menu, quickly scanning it for prices before even reading the products. The cheapest thing appeared to be soup, so he would get a cup for himself. Hopefully he didn’t stutter, or make a fool of himself. His alpha never took him out for dinner because he was an idiot. 

 

He closed the menu and sat it gingerly back on the table, placing his hands in his lap. He kept his shoulders hunched and his head low, trying to be as small and unintrusive as possible. He didn’t understand a lick of Russian, so the conversations happening around him were like white noise as he stared at the table.

 

A prickling sensation in the back of his neck caused him to look up, nervously fiddling with his glasses. He met the gaze of the silver-haired alpha in front of him, his blue eyes icy and frightening to the skittish omega. He was frowning, just  _ staring  _ at Yuuri. 

 

He quickly looked back at his lap.

 

The alpha- Victor, he believed- was probably noticing how plain and unattractive he was, how fat. He’d been told that he had a rather difficult scent to deal with, and he felt bad, downright awful, for not remembering to grab scent blockers as he rushed out. His alpha had always said that what made an omega was his ability to attract alphas with his scent and his body.

 

Yuuri attracted no one with either of those things, so there was no possible way Victor was anything but put-off. He was probably staring at his plain features- boring brown eyes, a round face, large-framed glasses, light acne scars dotting his nose in a way that resembled freckles to a passer-by. But Yuuri knew what they were. Victor was probably staring at Yuuri’s body- his stomach, complete with fat rolls, his thick thighs that his alpha could never get his hands around, his ass, which was nice and plump, but still much too big to be attractive, and his chest, which was far too large for an omega that wasn’t breastfeeding or pregnant.

 

Yuuri felt shame sinking into his body, and he clutched at the hem of his sweater, tugging gently. God, how had he been so stupid to run away? He knew he wasn’t able to do any better than Kazuhiro, and he knew he deserved everything that happened to him. He should have been prettier, quieter, smaller. He should have been able to carry a baby, should have been able to please his alpha.

 

Yuuri sucked back tears. He wouldn’t cry, not here, not in front of these people. He would cause a scene, wouldn’t worry anybody. He took a deep, shaky breath, still almost deathly silent, even though it was getting hard to breathe.

 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Yuuri jolted in surprise, turning to the little blonde omega with green eyes that spoke.

 

“I… I’m sorry…?” He curled in on himself unnoticeably, eyes wide.

 

“Your scent keeps spiking and doing weird shit. What’s your issue, fatass? Are you a criminal or something?” He scowled deeply, features no longer soft and childlike like they had been when he was eating, but instead twisted and angry.

 

“O-Oh I- I’m sorry, um…” Yuuri flushed, humiliated. “I-I’m not a criminal…” 

 

“Then chill the fuck out. This is just lunch. Jesus Christ.” He flinched, nodding and turning back to the table. He shifted in his seat, anxious and ashamed and feeling rather sick all of a sudden.

 

“Ah, um, excuse me, please.” He said softly, rising slowly and dropping his napkin on the table. He tapped Georgi’s shoulder, irritated with himself that he had to go and interrupt the Russian man’s conversation. Stupid. “I’m sorry, but, um, do you know where the…” He scrunched his nose, biting his lip. 

 

Shit. 

 

_ Toire.  _

 

What was the English word for  _ toire?  _

 

“The…?” 

 

“U-Um, uh…  _ t-toire…”  _

 

“I don’t… know what that means…” 

 

“Sorry, never mind, I-”

 

“Lavatory?” Yuuri looked over at the silver-haired alpha that interrupted him, nodding quickly. He was holding his phone, and Yuuri assumed he'd googled what he'd said. 

 

_ “Hai,  _ y-yes, that…” He flushed.

 

“I’ll take you.” He stood, giving Yuuri a smile that made his legs turn to jelly and his belly get warm. It had been a long time since someone had made him feel like that. 

 

“O-Okay…” He nodded, shuffling over to him. Victor very gently took his wrist, Yuuri biting back the urge to jerk away, leading him away from the table and around the corner of a wall. It didn’t take too long to get to the bathroom, which was good, because Yuuri had already swallowed some vomit and it was starting to come back up. 

 

He nearly threw himself into the bathroom, barely making it to the trashcan under the paper towel dispenser before he was throwing up, heaving retches leaving his body. He coughed and spat, gagging up his snack from the plane and greenish stomach acid. There was a firm but gentle hand on his back, rubbing in slow circles as he puked, a voice cooing softly behind him. 

 

When Yuuri could no longer heave he slid to the ground, whimpering. “I-I’m so s-sorry, I-”

 

“Hey, hey, shh.” Victor shushed, handing him a paper towel. “It’s okay, relax. Breathe.” He stood when Yuuri began to swipe the rough paper over his face, wetting another few paper towels and ringing them out. He dabbed gently around Yuuri’s mouth and nose, picking up any snot or excess vomit Yuuri hadn’t gotten. He tossed the rag into the trash bin and began dabbing at Yuuri’s cheeks, swollen and red, before moving to his eyes, cleaning away his tears and the stinging that came with them. 

 

“Th-Thank you…” Yuuri whispered after Victor washed his hands. The alpha crouched down in front of him, a concerned frown causing his forehead to wrinkle. 

 

“No problem…” He stared at him, the omega immediately becoming self-conscious and dropping his eyes to the off-white tiles on the floor, examining the dirty grout between them. “You have really nice eyes…” 

 

Yuuri’s gaze snapped up, meeting the alpha’s eyes for any,  _ any,  _ hint of a joke, but found none. His cheeks, still a little red, inflamed, the flush spreading to the tips of his ears. “Thank you…” 

 

Victor beamed and stood, holding a hand out for him to take, helping the stunned Japanese man off of the floor before leading him back to the table.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri held his bag tightly against his chest, biting his lip gently. He stood in front of a large door, Victor beside him. 

 

This was Victor's apartment. 

 

He'd allowed Yuuri to stay with him. He'd  _ invited  _ Yuuri to stay with him. 

 

“Now, be warned,” Yuuri tuned back in, tilting his head to look at the alpha as he spoke. “I have a dog, Makkachin. He's kind of big and a little rowdy around new people, but he's sweet and he won't hurt you. I hope that's okay.”

 

The omega nodded, clutching his bag closer. “I like dogs…” He said softly, cheeks pinking at the thought of getting to pet a dog. He loved dogs. Victor smiled at him, putting the key into the doorknob and pushing the door open, a large brown poodle sprinting in from the kitchen area, nails clacking against the floor. 

 

He barked loudly, pressing his face between Victor's thighs and sniffing loudly. The alpha laughed and scratched his fluffy ears, all floppy against his head. The dog, Makkachin, pulled back and shot over to Yuuri, jumping up and knocking him to the ground. 

 

He yelped, giggling as his face was attacked with kisses, a slobbery tongue drenching him in doggy drool. He patted the dog’s ears, face, and neck, scratching his curls and weakly trying to push him off. 

 

The dog’s collar jingled as he was pulled away, Victor's fingers around the green leather, his other arm underneath the dog to hold his chest. 

 

“Makkachin,  _ nazem'!”  _ He commanded, the large animal  _ immediately  _ dropping down on his ass, tail thumping wildly against the hardwood floors. Yuuri sat up on his elbows, face slick and flushed from laughter. “I'm  _ so  _ sorry about him, Yuuri. He usually doesn’t do that.” 

 

Yuuri giggled, wiping his face with the sleeve of his sweater. “It's okay, he's not that heavy.” He got up onto his knees and crawled forward, grabbing the puppy’s ears and ruffling them, Makkachin sticking his pink tongue out happily. “How old is he?”

 

“Almost ten.” Victor slowly let the collar go, giving the dog a sharp look as he did so. Makkachin stayed put, panting. 

 

“Wow! He's really energetic!” The omega’s eyes sparkled as he cuddled with the animal, leaning over to press kisses to his large snout. The dog licked his face, bringing Yuuri into another fit of giggles. 

 

Victor chuckled, leaning back and relaxing when he was certain Makkachin wouldn't jump on his guest. The omega looked truly happy, open, like a completely different person from the one he had been just minutes before. 

 

“So, Yuuri.” He murmured after a moment, smiling fondly at Makkachin as he rubbed his back, tugging at some of his knotted curls. “Tell me a little about yourself.”

 

“O-Oh um…” Yuuri flushed and turned to him, reverting back into the shy young man he was when they met. “I-I'm twenty-three, from Japan, an omega…” He shrugged. “There isn't much to tell…”

 

Victor nodded, not pushing him. “I'm twenty-seven, I'm from St. Petersburg in Russia, and I'm an alpha. I'm an actor, and I'm actually doing a Russian soap opera with everyone that was at lunch.” He beamed. “Tell me more. What sorts of things do you like?”

 

“O-Oh um, I like to read, I guess… and to draw, but I'm not very good.” He mumbled, shifting into a position where he was sitting on his heels, hands fisted on his thighs. “What, um, do you like to do?”

 

“Hmmm….” Victor tapped his chin, looking off dramatically. “I'd have to say I also like to read. I enjoy science books, like about space and such. I enjoy acting, clearly, and spending time with people. I also skate in my free time, when I actually have it.” He laughed, turning back to the omega with the same award-winning, hundred-watt smile he'd given Yuuri at the restaurant. 

 

He flushed prettily and nodded, patting the dog’s head with shaking fingers. 

 

Victor hummed and stood a moment later, joints popping, and stretched. “Ah, let me show you to your room!” He picked up Yuuri's bag and slung it over his shoulder before the omega could protest, walking off to the hallway. Yuuri got up and scrambled to follow. “This one is mine, so this one is yours!” He pointed to two rooms. “I have a bathroom connected to my room, but you don't, so this bathroom, here, is yours.” He beamed. He opened the door to the bathroom to show him, and at Yuuri's nod, led him back to the bedroom he would be staying in. “I can pick up new sheets and stuff if you want, or a bigger dresser. But this room is all yours!”

 

The omega nodded, his stomach burbling in an oddly comforting way and heating up. He squeezed his thighs together. 

 

An alpha was taking care of him. He was giving him a place to nest in his home, a place to sleep and be safe. He was being so  _ kind.  _

 

His inner omega nearly brought a purr from his lips, but he squashed the sound down before it could reach its apex. Kazuhiro didn't like his purrs, said they were scratchy and too deep. So Yuuri didn't purr. 

 

So far, it seemed that Victor was a good person, but of course that didn't mean anything, because his old alpha had seemed like a model citizen as well. He truly hoped that Victor wouldn't stop being nice, wouldn't start to yell at him or get physical or demand a sexual reward for letting him stay. 

 

Victor’s smile made him all warm and fuzzy, like he was the only person on earth that mattered. His scent calmed him down, made him want to curl against the alpha and never let go. First the first time ever, Yuuri  _ wanted  _ to share his bed with someone, wanted to share his heat, wanted to show his alpha his secret nest. 

 

Yuuri shuffled into the room and sat his bag on the bed, looking around at the dull walls and dark wooden dresser. There was a little desk across from the bed, complete with a series of astrology textbooks. Exhaustion suddenly hit him like a freight, his eyelids drooping. He yawned largely, bringing a hand up to stifle the sound. 

 

Victor chuckled. “You can rest, if you'd like. You don't really seem like somebody who can handle a lot of social interaction at one time, so I'm sure lunch was crazy. Plus, you had a long flight, and you threw up earlier.” He smiled. “Get some rest. I'll wake you up for dinner, alright?”

 

Yuuri nodded, pink to his ears. “Okay. Thank you very much.” He gave the Russian a little bow, sitting down on the bed. 

 

Once Victor left he slowly stripped out of his clothes and crawled under the covers, the large duvet warming him significantly. He sighed softly, closing his eyes and drifting to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is gonna be a little dark at the beginning


	4. Progression, Regression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was weird, the way Victor seemed to understand his issues. He was so kind and understanding, and somehow realized that Yuuri had problems, whether he knew what they were or not, and acted accordingly towards him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'aint

_ Rough hands caressed his stomach, squeezing tightly.  _

 

_ The hands, like spikes, like rose thorns, like bristles, pinched and touched, touched places he didn't want to be touched, put fat fingers inside of him, stretching him painfully.  _

 

_ The dark, dirty fingernails dug into the skin on his hips, traced the white stretch marks and cellulite along the backs of his thighs and ass, opened cuts that hadn't been there before.  _

 

_ Something bigger than fingers was inside of him now, a hand over his mouth, suffocating.  _

 

_ He screamed but no noise came out, screamed and screamed and screamed until his throat cracked and bled, until he was raw and sobbing.  _

 

_ The pain in his pelvis radiated long after the painful stretch from the object inside of him disappeared, fluids he didn't want to see staining the insides of his thighs and reddened labia.  _

 

_ He sobbed, wailed, begged, but nobody came, nobody helped.  _

 

_ Yuuri cried until he couldn't, swollen and sore and sick.  _

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri woke with a start, heart hammering and stomach twisting, curling, churning. He slapped a hand to his mouth, gasping and coughing and trying not to puke on the carpet, eyes wide. 

 

He looked up at the sound of a light knock on the door, choking back a panicked sob. He threw up violently into his hands as the door opened, and there was suddenly a gentle hand on his back, so, so different from the one he was used to, the one in his dreams. 

 

He retched until nothing would come up, coughing and gagging for a solid minute after before slumping. He panted, swiping at his mouth. 

 

“Yuuri? What happened, are you alright?” Victor asked him softly, brows furrowed worriedly. Yuuri hiccuped, turning to him with shaking arms and wide eyes, terrified because this could be a dream too. 

 

“J-Just a-a dream…” He hiccuped again. Victor nodded, didn't press. 

 

“Let's get you cleaned up.” He carefully helped Yuuri from the bed, the omega trembling madly, still naked, his body bared. Victor paid no mind, holding his waist and walking him to the bathroom down the hall. Makkachin trailed behind them, whining, tail swishing limply in its place between his hind legs. 

 

Victor left the door to the bathroom open, allowing the dog to follow, and sat Yuuri on the toilet before starting the tub. He got a towel out for the stuttering, hiccuping man, covering him up. 

 

“Breathe, Yuuri. Shh.” He murmured, crouching in front of him. “Are you okay to be left alone while I change the sheets?” Yuuri nodded, toes curling at the force of the sob that ripped through his chest. 

 

“I-I'll be f-fine.” He whimpered, clutching the soft purple towel around himself. “S-Sorry.”

 

“Don't be sorry.” The alpha smiled and stood. “It happens to all of us, believe it or not. Stay right here, alright? Makkachin will keep you company.” He patted his thigh, the dog bounding in from his place at the door. “Makkachin,  _ ostanovka.”  _

 

The dog sat, placing his large, heavy head in Yuuri's lap with a whine. He raised trembling fingers to gently stroke the puppy’s ears, sniffling. He leaned over and pressed his forehead between the dog’s head and snout, choking out a heaving sob. Makkachin whined, licking his chin gently. He let Yuuri cry into his fur, not caring about snot or tears or loud sounds near his face. 

 

Victor returned from the bedroom after a short time- how long it had been, Yuuri didn't know, he was pretty out of it- and turned off the tap on the tub. He took Yuuri’s hand and pulled him up. The omega was rather limp, borderline dropping, it seemed, so Victor slowly removed his towel and underwear before helping him into the warm water. He wet a washcloth and squeezed it over Yuuri's shoulders, slowly bringing him back to himself. 

 

He turned to the alpha when he was able to form coherent thoughts, large eyes glazed. “I-I… I'm sorry…” He croaked out, shifting in the water so his knees hid his overly large chest. 

 

“It's alright.” Victor soothed, placing a hand on his back. “Let me know when you feel safe enough to get washed, okay? I'm happy to help if you need it. I won't touch anywhere you don't want me to, and I won't look anywhere that makes you uncomfortable.”

 

Yuuri nodded, sniffling, resting his cheek on top of his knee, smooshing it. 

 

It was weird, the way Victor seemed to understand his issues. He was so kind and understanding, and somehow realized that Yuuri had problems, whether he knew what they were or not, and acted accordingly towards him. 

 

The alpha didn't touch him without permission throughout the entirety of his bath, didn't get near his vagina, breasts, or ass, let Yuuri wash those himself. When Yuuri felt comfortable enough to get out of the bath Victor was ready with a new towel, white and fluffy and oh so soft. He pulled it tightly around himself, letting Victor lead him back to his room with a hand on his lower back, gentle and cautious. 

 

Yuuri shuffled forward and dug around in his bag for a pair of underwear, realizing he would probably need to go get more sometime within the next few days. He pulled them on when Victor had turned around, pulling a gown out and tugging it on afterwards. 

 

He slid under the freshly-changed blankets and curled up, leaving the towel beside him. He hadn't been allowed to nest with Kazuhiro- he thought it was messy and stupid- but Victor seemed like he wouldn't mind, so he would build himself a tiny one. 

 

Victor reached to take the towel but stopped at Yuuri's quiet whimper. 

 

“May I… M-May I keep it…?”

 

He blinked at him in confusion for a moment before smiling brightly, pulling away. “Of course you can! Keep as many things as you need.” He patted Yuuri's head. “I'm going to leave your door cracked, that way Makkachin can come check on you if he gets worried. You were letting out some crazy scents earlier.” 

 

“Oh I'm sorry…” Yuuri whispered, cheeks turning pink. 

 

“Don't be.” Victor turned towards the door and whistled, the sound of clacking nails and the jingling of collar tags responding almost immediately. 

 

Makkachin trotted into the bedroom, jumping up on the bed and flopping down beside Yuuri with a heavy sigh, doe eyes staring at the omega. His tail thumped softly against the mattress. Victor chuckled softly, ruffling the dog’s fur. 

 

Yuuri rolled over to face the puppy, scratching his fluffy ears. He pressed a kiss to the side of the dog’s snout, giggling weakly at the lick to his chin. 

 

“Um, Victor…?” The omega peeked over his shoulder, brown eyes wide. “Th-Thank you.” 

 

Victor’s face softened, his eyes warming. “It's no problem at all, Yuuri. Rest up.” He nodded and relaxed in the bed, sighing contently through his nose when the lights were flipped off, suddenly heavy eyelids drifting shut. 

  
  


* * *

 

 

The next few days went smoothly, Yuuri slowly but steadily adding little things- pillow covers, extra blankets, old pillows and stuffed animals Victor had tucked in the back of one of the hall closets- to his ever growing nest. 

 

He and Victor got along well, the alpha never pushing him to do anything or talk about anything, but always there to assure him that things were okay, that he was okay, during a panic attack, or that he didn't have to wash the dishes after every meal, because a, he had a dishwasher and b, he had a lot of dishes. 

 

But he let him wash the dishes, let him make the bed, let him skitter around cleaning things, because it made him comfortable. 

 

Yuuri had yet to find a job, and he was starting to wonder how he was going to buy himself clothes and other things.

 

“Um, Victor?” The alpha looked over at him, meeting his gaze with a bright smile. 

 

“Yes Yuuri?”

 

“I, um…” The omega tugged the hem of his sweater, shuffling his bare feet nervously. “I was… was wondering if I could m-maybe be your maid? I-I could get groceries and stuff, I…” He bit his lower lip. “Please? I only have a high school degree, I can't get work to pay you enough…”

 

“That sounds amazing!” Victor gasped. “I've actually been looking for a new maid!” The alpha’s blue eyes sparkled, his mouth shaped like a heart. It was an odd smile, but the omega had never seen anything more beautiful.

 

Yuuri flushed, eyes drawn immediately to Victor's lips. He inhaled sharply, but silently, flicking his tongue out to wet his lips. He wanted to kiss Victor. 

 

He'd known the guy for a week, and already he had a stupid crush on him. 

 

Yuuri realized he needed to squash those feelings down, needed to ignore them, because Victor would never want  _ him.  _ He was plain and fat and stupid. He couldn't cook or carry a baby to term, he could never properly please his alpha, and he never came during sex, so there was clearly something the matter with him. 

 

Victor was gorgeous, not a blemish in sight, and so kind, so smart. He was successful, too. He deserved a  _ billion  _ times better than Yuuri. 

 

Yuuri was roadkill next to a prized show animal. 

 

The omega bit his lip, letting out a soft thank you and giving a weak smile before leaving the room. He shuffled to his room to mess with his nest, hands shaking. He curled up in the middle of his bed, pulling one of the large blankets around himself with a choked off sob. 

 

How could he even  _ think  _ of kissing Victor? Of inviting him into his bed? How could he  _ dare  _ dream of him, imagine life with him? What right did he have? 

 

Yuuri hiccuped and trailed a hand down his stomach, fingers trembling, and into his panties, brushing over his clit. He jerked forward, not having had  _ any  _ sort of stimulation there in years. 

 

But here he was, ugly, fat, disgusting Yuuri, gently fingering himself to the thought of his beautiful, kind, gracious host. 

 

He came quickly, an unsatisfying orgasm. He pulled his hand away like he'd been burned, burying his face in the chocolate blanket in his arms and just  _ sobbed.  _

 

How  _ dare  _ he  _ touch himself  _ to the thought of Victor? He wasn't even worthy of breathing the same air, let alone anything else. 

 

The omega sobbed, sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until he could sob no more. 

  
He drifted into an uneasy slumber, and didn't wake until the next afternoon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow


	5. A Rather Unorthodox Beginning To A Rather Unorthodox Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "On more than one occasion he caught himself stealing blankets and Victor’s clothes from the dirty clothes hamper in the hall, caught himself weaving them into his nest, but he couldn’t stop. He stole socks, shirts, underwear, pillowcases, jackets, bedsheets, pillows from the couch. He even stole some kitchen towelettes that Victor had wiped his hands on. 
> 
>  
> 
> Victor’s scent made him feel safe, comforted him, and he wanted it. He wanted to feel safe during his heat, even if he wasn’t sharing it with anyone, because he hadn't felt safe or cared for for the last five years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyones' support has been amazing, thank you guys so, so much

Yuuri had been with Victor over a month now, and things were wonderful. Victor was still kind, borderline flirty if Yuuri was getting his hopes up, and never raised his voice, never raised a hand when Yuuri broke a dish or didn't feel well enough to do all the laundry at once. 

 

His nesting habits continued to get increasingly worse as time went on, however.

 

It usually happened around the time of his heat, but those hadn’t come on time in two years due to stress and miscarriages, so he never knew when to expect them, and he usually didn't even know that he’d entered preheat until his actual heat hit. 

 

On more than one occasion he caught himself stealing blankets and Victor’s clothes from the dirty clothes hamper in the hall, caught himself weaving them into his nest, but he couldn’t stop. He stole socks, shirts, underwear, pillowcases, jackets, bedsheets, pillows from the couch. He even stole some kitchen towelettes that Victor had wiped his hands on.  

 

Victor’s scent made him feel safe, comforted him, and he wanted it. He wanted to feel  _ safe  _ during his heat, even if he wasn’t sharing it with anyone, because he hadn't felt safe or cared for for the last five years.

 

Kazuhiro spent their very first heat as a married couple with him, but that was it. Yuuri was left to take care of himself for each one after, his alpha making him take the guest bedroom- not allowing him to nest or to use toys or to have  _ anything  _ of his he could stink up- and only coming to fuck him when he wanted to. Yuuri would beg and plead for his alpha, because he hurt, his stomach and hips cramped. He could be fist-deep in his pussy and his alpha still wouldn’t help him relieve himself, refused to knot him. He would ignore him, tell him to shut up. He went to work, leaving Yuuri alone all day, the omega barely coherent enough to go and get himself water between breaks of heatwaves. 

 

He was usually sick the whole week after, starved and dehydrated and aching all over. His alpha told him he would spend his heats with him when he smelled better, when he got prettier, when he was actually attracted to him. Yuuri tried and tried to do those things, to get prettier, to lose weight, to smell better, but still, no matter what he did, he spent his heats alone.

 

When he was twenty, Kazuhiro let his alpha friends ‘take care’ of Yuuri for his heat. He was fucked raw by five people he didn’t know, surrounded by the pheromones of five alphas he couldn’t remember the faces of. They’d taken videos, photos, done whatever they wanted- spanked him, choked him, shoved two cocks in his vagina at once, put them in ass, his first time there, put them in his mouth, used gags and blindfolds and whips and candles. They’d given him his first knot, his second, his third, and so on. 

 

When Yuuri came back to himself days later, the haze of his heat gone, his alpha just scowled at him, called him a whore, showed him the videos and pictures that had been uploaded to pornographic websites. Yuuri cried, because that’s what he was, a slut, a whore, and he understood that. The heat-crazed omega in the videos, in the photos, didn’t protest, even seemed to enjoy himself. That meant he liked it, that meant he wanted it, that meant he was a whore and a slut and didn’t  _ deserve  _ to have an alpha spend his heat with him, let alone love and care for him, keep him safe, keep him healthy. 

 

Yuuri didn’t ask his alpha to spend his heat with him anymore after that. 

 

He didn’t deserve someone as handsome as Kazuhiro, someone who was paying the bills for his family, to take him, to make love to him, to tell him he was beautiful-  _ he wasn't- _ to tell him that he would be okay-  _ he wouldn't _ \- to tell him they loved him and that he wasn’t an omega whore that couldn’t be satisfied with just one alpha, even though that’s exactly what he was. He deserved to feel sick and weak for days after his heat, deserved the dehydration, deserved the starvation, deserved the aches and pains and tears. 

 

He deserved all of it.

 

Yuuri took a shaky breath and stuffed another shirt- red- into his shitty little nest. It was horrible, he wasn’t good at making them. It was small and messy, shoved back in the corner of the bedroom. It’s not like it mattered where it was, or if it was shitty, anyways, because he had no alpha to present it to, no alpha to invite into it, no alpha to see it, or even want to see it.

 

He plopped down into the pile of cushion and fluff, curling up as tightly as he possibly could. He buried his face in his knees after tugging the blanket from the bed and wrapping it around his shoulders, sick to his stomach. He was such a slut- so many alphas had been inside of him, had fucked him, had touched him. So many alphas had shared his heat, had seen him bare, intimately. Only one alpha had seen his nest and had immediately dismissed it upon sight- 

 

_ “This is a mess, clean this shit up.” A nose wrinkled, Yuuri flinching at the words, eyes darting towards the expertly fixed pile of clothes, blankets, and anything else that smelled of him or his husband. _

 

_ “A-Alpha this is my nest-” _

 

_ “I said clean it up!” _

 

\- Yuuri had cleaned up the mess on the bed hastily, put things into the wash and placed them back in their rightful places, laid himself on cold sheets, no comfort provided, a pit in his stomach. He cried as his alpha took him that night, because he’d rejected his nest, called it a mess, called it  _ shit.  _ He’d worked so hard, the  _ ‘shit’  _ two weeks worth of gathered items and arranging them accordingly, and yet he’d still been rejected, dismissed. 

 

He didn’t try nesting again, ever, just hoarded a few dirty towels in the guest room until they began to stink, then washed them, and repeated the cycle. His alpha’s scent brought him no comfort, none at all, but it was something, and something was always better than nothing. 

 

Yuuri fluffed one of the couch pillows beside him. He would have to wash and return everything before his heat started, but for now, he could hold onto it, scent it, cuddle it, bring himself the comfort he didn’t deserve. 

 

He knew Victor could tell he was going into heat, even if the alpha never said anything. Each time Victor would look at him his nostrils would flare and his scent would saturate the room, pupils dilated, making an embarrassing amount of slick leak from Yuuri’s hole, make his knees weak, his thighs clench. 

 

Victor never acted on his body’s natural reactions however, which both relieved and insulted Yuuri. He was honored that Victor reacted to his preheat scent so nicely, his old alpha never had. He liked that the alpha wasn’t jumping him, of course, but if he wasn’t doing that, it must mean he didn’t  _ like  _ Yuuri, didn't want him, didn’t want to kiss him or touch him or fuck him or knot him. 

 

And that hurt. 

 

The omega had never had anyone want him before, not for anything other than a cum dump over a work desk, over the kitchen counter. He’d never wanted anyone before either- there was something wrong with him, he didn’t enjoy sex, like he was supposed to, didn’t slick enough when he alpha touched him- but now he  _ did,  _ he  _ wanted _ someone, and knowing that the alpha he craved didn’t want him back burned a hole in his chest, made him sick to his stomach. 

 

Victor deserved better.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor came home late one evening, after dinner, serious, the air around him thick. Yuuri, a ball of nervous energy and worry, quickly shuffled over, taking his coat and bag. He rushed off with them and put them away- the bag on Victor’s bed, his jacket in the hall closet- before jogging back to the front entrance of the apartment.

 

“Yuuri, let's talk.” The omega tensed, nodding stiffly, following behind Victor as he moved towards the kitchen. Yuuri sat in an antique wooden chair as Victor reheated the dinner Yuuri had made hours before. 

 

He always ate what Yuuri cooked. 

 

“Wh-What did you want to talk about?” Yuuri asked softly, stuttering nervously, fiddling with his hands in his lap. He tugged his pale lilac sweater, messed with his glasses, twirled his hair. 

 

“You're in preheat.” The Russian stated, pressing the start button on the microwave before turning around, resting back against the marble counter top. 

 

Yuuri flushed, hanging his head shamefully. “Yes…”

 

“What do you plan on… ah, let me rephrase. Are you going to stay here for your heat?”

 

“I-I had planned to, I… I'm perfectly happy to go if you want me to, though!” 

 

“Shh, shh, relax. I'm not kicking you out or anything.” Victor gave him a sweet smile, the coil of desire for the man in Yuuri's belly tightening. “I just want you to be comfortable. Have you made a nest already?”

 

Yuuri nodded, playing with a loose thread on his sweater. He would need to fix that. “I'm going to dismantle it though…”

 

“What? Why? A nest makes a heat more comfortable. It makes an omega feel safer, which makes the heat less painful.” Victor frowned. 

 

“W-Well I…” He cleared his throat. “It's n-not made of my things, and um, it's a bad nest… I don't have anyone to present it to, either, so…” He shrugged his shoulders. 

 

“You could present it to me. I'm sure it's a beautiful nest, Yuuri. Anything you made couldn't possibly be bad.” He smiled warmly, Yuuri’s face, if possible, getting even redder, even hotter. 

 

“O-Okay.” He whispered, standing on legs that felt like jelly and shuffling towards his room. Victor followed behind him, stopping at the bedroom door as Yuuri did. 

 

“You don't have to show me if you don't want to. I know nests are special.” He placed a hand on Yuuri's lower back, rubbing his thumb in circles. The omega took a deep breath, barely repressing a purr. 

 

“I want to show you…” He said softly, opening the door. “It's over in the corner…” He pointed to the far end of the bed. 

 

Victor moved passed him with a hum, Yuuri shuffling in place and biting his lip. His chest was tight with anxiety. Would Victor like his nest? Would he demand his things back? Would he make him dismantle it?

 

“Oh Yuuri…” The omega flinched, peeking up. 

 

“I-I know it's a-awful, I'll take it apart-”

 

“No, no, don't do that. Your nest is lovely, Yuuri. It's amazing.” Victor turned to him, meeting his wide eyes with a warm smile. “Thank you for trusting me enough to show me.”

 

The omega nodded quickly, eyes sparkling with pride, cheeks flushed happily. He'd made a nest that his desired alpha approved of. He squeezed his thighs together, beginning to produce slick from the praise. 

 

He didn't even notice that he began to purr, pride from the praise, desire for the alpha, coursing through his veins, heating his skin. The sound was soft and scratchy, his throat not having made it in years, not properly, at least. Yuuri shuffled in place, toes curling, tugging his sweater. When he looked back up from his bare toes, Victor was staring at him in awe, eyes wide and shining. 

 

The omega pinked and did his best to quell the sound, but it wasn't working, wasn't working at all, he kept making noise, kept purring. Victor's entire face lit up, a large grin stretching his cheeks almost painfully. 

 

“You're so cute, Yuuri!”

 

* * *

 

 

The heat hit Yuuri  _ hard.  _

 

He assumed it had something to do with him actually being attracted to someone, actually wanting someone sexually, romantically. 

 

Victor had offered to help him, if he needed it, said he would be honored to share his heat with someone who was as beautiful as Yuuri, and the young omega had  _ melted _ because nobody had said that to him before.

 

And now here he was, nearly in tears outside of Victor's bedroom door. He needed the alpha so badly, but he was sleeping, he'd worked all day, shot nearly half the scenes for an entire episode of his show, and Yuuri didn't want to wake him, didn't want to be a bother. 

 

A whine ripped its way from his throat as he finally opened the door, fingers shaking and legs wobbly. Slick glistened the inside of his thighs beneath his gown, which, even as thin as it was, left his skin burning. He gave a loud hiccup, nearly tripping on his way to the large bed. 

 

“Mm… Yuuri…?” Victor’s eyes cracked open. He sat up on his elbows, gaze lidded and bleary, hair sticking up at ridiculous angles. The omega whimpered and dropped onto the bed, a few tears spilling from his eyes, entire body trembling. 

 

“A-Alpha,” he sobbed, shakily crawling over. 

 

“Oh, oh, shh, you're alright.” Victor was suddenly alert, kicking the blankets off. “Come here,  _ dorogoy.  _ It's alright.” He opened his arms, pupils dilating. Yuuri crawled over to him and sat in his lap, clinging to him tightly, nails digging into his back. Victor could feel his wetness against his bare ankle, ignoring the pain between his shoulder blades. 

 

“What do you need, Yuuri? How can I help?” The Russian murmured, nuzzling his nose into Yuuri's curls, releasing his scent in full. The omega  _ purred,  _ pressing closer. 

 

“A-Alpha.” He hiccuped. “Please, p-please, I n-need y-you.” 

 

“Shh, shh. You'll get me, calm down. Do you need to be touched, or just cuddled?” Victor murmured, pressing kisses down the side of Yuuri's face. He massaged his lower back, his sides, his hips, easing the cramps, the omega rocking his hips in Victor's lap. 

 

“T-Touch, touch.” He hiccuped, choking on a sob. He needed the alpha so bad, so bad. Everything throbbed and ached and he  _ needed  _ him. 

 

“Okay sweetheart, okay.” He shifted, slowly pulling Yuuri's silk gown up and over his head. He laid it to the side, moving his kisses down his sweat-damp neck. He hooked his fingers into the band of Yuuri's panties and tugged them down, slick and cum connecting his pussy to the soaked crotch of the pink lace. “How long did you wait before coming to me, Yuuri?” He tossed the practically ruined underwear off the bed, moving his ministrations to Yuuri's thick thighs and wide hips. 

 

“D-Didn't w-want to d-disturb y-you.” He blubbered, grinding into the touch. 

 

“You're never a disturbance, Yuuri, especially not when you need me.” He nipped at the omega’s swollen scent gland, nuzzling into the spot afterwards. 

 

The young omega  _ sobbed _ at the stimulation. 

 

“I'm going to touch you now, baby. Okay?”

 

“Y-Yes okay, o-okay.” He pressed his face into Victor's neck. His hips jerked at the gently prodding fingers against his clenching entrance, drenched and dripping. Cum dribbled down against Victor's fingers, the digits thoroughly soaked. He pressed them against Yuuri's clit and rolled in large, gentle circles, continuing to pepper the side of the omega’s face with kisses. 

 

“Can you handle fingers?”

 

“Y-Yes yes, p-please-” 

 

Yuuri broke off with a loud moan, practically a wail, as Victor sunk two of his long finger into him easily, barely any resistance. He wiggled and curled them, pumping them in and out slowly for a moment before adding a third finger, barely providing any stretch. By the time he’d added the fourth Yuuri had cum three times, a puddle of cum and slick in the palm of Victor's hand. 

 

Victor removed his fingers, strings of sticky cum coating and connecting his fingers. “Oh wow…” The alpha breathed, eyes wide. “I've never met anybody who could slick this much.” He smiled warmly, giggling, pressing a kiss to the corner of Yuuri's mouth. 

 

Yuuri whimpered at the praise, trying to lean into the kiss. He wanted to kiss, he wanted to make out, he wanted and wanted and wanted. “A-Alpha p-please… H-Hurts, n-need you…”

 

“I'm here, sweetheart. I'm going to make it better, I promise. Do you want my knot?” He stroked Yuuri's hip with his dry hand, stroking over his puffy folds with the wet one. Yuuri moaned pathetically, panting and gasping. 

 

“M-Mhm, y-yes-” He gasped out a low moan as he came again, even the little bit of stimulation too much to handle after so many consecutive orgasms. “A-Ah, please…”

 

“Okay, okay.” Victor lifted his hips, pushing his underwear down enough to free his cock, swollen and dripping precum from the tip. He gave himself a few slow strokes with his slick-soaked hand, squeezing the already-knotting base.

 

The alpha placed one hand back on Yuuri's hips, stroking over the white stretch marks fondly, the fingers of his other hand spreading Yuuri's labia. 

 

“Up on your knees, baby.” Yuuri rose on shaking legs, thighs trembling with effort. “There we go. Can you hold it for me while you sit?” The omega nodded, nervously reaching out to wrap his hand around the thick member, easing down onto it. 

 

Sex had never, ever felt this good before, not even during a heat. He'd never felt this loved and cared for. He'd never  _ wanted  _ to have someone fuck him, never wanted to kiss or touch or hold somebody so intimately. 

 

Yuuri's nails made crescents on Victor's shoulders, the omega still at the base of his cock, the slightly swollen knot creating a good, arousing kind of stretch. For the first time in his life he was  _ excited  _ for a knot, was excited for the stretch and the burn and the aftercare, the cuddling and kissing and grinding as they waited for the swelling to go down. 

 

He panted, spit and drool rolling off of his tongue like a dog. He rolled his hips, testing his body before beginning to move, slow, rhythmless bounces in the alpha’s lap. Sounds came freely, tumbling from his lips like a mantra, accompanying the slapping of flesh and squelching of his pussy. He cried Victor's name, sobbed about how good he felt, wailed out how happy he was. He kept moving even though his thighs ached almost unbearably, moaning loudly, sometimes brokenly, against Victor's lips, their tongues mingling messily. Victor held his ass, his hips, helped him continue to bounce.

 

Yuuri’s moans hitched, got higher, louder, when Victor's knot began to fully swell inside of him, pleasure shooting up his spine in a way he'd never felt before. He wailed as he came, Victor pressing his thumb to his clit. Clear fluid spurted from his pussy- he'd never done that before- his hips rocking quickly. He sobbed, gently grinding and rocking against Victor’s cock, the alpha’s much paler hips moving just as gently, just as slowly. 

 

Yuuri panted, tongue lolled from his mouth, eyes glazed. Victor brought him into a gentle kiss, nudging their noses together afterwards, scenting the touch-starved omega. Yuuri purred sweetly, nuzzling back and releasing a burst of his scent. 

 

“Yuuri?” Victor murmured, pressing sweet kisses to his plump, kiss-bruised lips. Yuuri returned each one weakly, beginning to drift off. 

 

“Mhm…?” 

 

“I would like to court you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowza
> 
> victor is  
> such a good person


	6. Look At The Stars, Look How They Shine For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuuri drifted in and out of restless sleep for hours, dreaming of his old alpha, dreaming of the man who assaulted him in the elevator. He woke up sobbing more than once, but Victor was always there, always scented him and held him, let him cry, let him blubber about what happened."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really need to be updating my Garden series but i just can stop writing this

Yuuri woke the morning after his heat ended with a soreness in his bones, an ache in his hips. It was a good ache, though, one that let him know he’d been satisfied. Nothing really  _ hurt,  _ and the soreness was pleasurable, no sick feeling in his stomach accompanying it.

 

The feeling came with the remembrance of the past week, of the way Victor touched him, kissed him, fucked him. 

 

The alpha was so gentle and caring, made sure  _ Yuuri  _ felt good, made sure the dazed omega ate and stayed hydrated. He touched him so carefully, explored his body, got to know it. He knew how to get Yuuri to orgasm in seconds, knew just where to kiss and suck to make Yuuri scream. 

 

Yuuri had never liked sex before, had never been able to orgasm when penetration was involved, but this was different. Things were different with Victor. Victor made him feel beautiful, wanted, loved. Victor made his tummy rolls seem so much smaller, made him see his body in a new light, because Victor wasn't  _ asking  _ him to lose weight, wasn't asking him to change, was attracted to him, regardless of what he looked like. The alpha kissed his belly and his hips and his thighs, kneaded his little breasts, kissed them. 

 

He treated him like a  _ person _ , not some fuck-toy object. 

 

Victor fingered him gently when Yuuri was too tired to take a knot, but his body was still riled up. He brought him through orgasm after orgasm, murmuring sweet words against his skin as he touched him, gentle and patient. He kissed everywhere on his body, kissed his chest and thighs, kissed his stomach and his face, kissed his belly, kissed his pussy, raw in a good way, swollen and puffy with arousal. 

 

He sucked Yuuri’s labia until he was wailing, sobbing, begging, for more stimulation, at which point he moved to his clit, swirling his tongue in circles until the omega came, entire body arching off the bed, the muscles of his thighs clenching. While Yuuri was still relaxed he would press two fingers into him, work his way up until Yuuri was stretched enough to take his cock, to take his knot. He would fuck into him gently, slowly, never taking him from behind, like some kind of animal, instead staring down at his reddened face as he thrusted, pressing kisses to his pudgy cheeks and plump, bruised lips. After he knotted he would roll them to their sides, nuzzle the omega until he came back to himself, massage Yuuri’s hips and lower back, whisper sweet words into his hair. 

 

They would cuddle, and Victor would get them some food once the knot died down, and they would eat and talk and nap until the next wave hit, and then they would repeat the cycle.

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks after his heat, Victor had yet to take him on a date. Yuuri knew he was busy, but he was starting to worry that maybe Victor hadn’t  _ meant _ what he’d said, about wanting to court him, that it had just been something blurted in the heat of the moment, and that Victor didn’t  _ really  _ want him, shared his heat with him out of absolute pity. 

 

Yuuri tugged his blue cotton sweater over his head, the pale color of the scratchy material enhancing the color of his skin. He smoothed the front of it over before grabbing his jeans and tugging them on, having some trouble with the button. He was going grocery shopping, so there wasn’t a reason to get dolled up. He bit his lip, still swollen and bruised from kissing, and tucked his hair behind his ears. He ruffled his bangs and grabbed his coat, an old, ratty, tan thing he’d gotten for four dollars at a discount store, and pulled it on, securing his scarf and grabbing his phone. He grabbed his wallet, one of Victor’s credit cards inside, and headed for the door.

 

Makkachin trotted behind him, whining, curly fur matted around his feet, the fluff around his mouth a darker shade of brown. Yuuri sighed and grabbed his keys. Whatever the large puppy had done would have to be dealt with after he went shopping. They were out of red meat, and that’s what he wanted, what his body was telling him he needed to eat after the past week’s activities. The poodle whining behind him needed food, too, so there was that as well.

 

“I’ll be back soon, Makka. Be a good boy, okay?” He crouched down and ruffled his dirty ears. “Stinky pup, aren’t ya?” He kissed his the top of his snout, the clean part, before standing and slipping his shoes on. “Bye, buddy.” The dog tried to follow, whining louder, but Yuuri pushed him back inside. “Stay, Makkachin. I’ll be back soon.”

 

Yuuri shut and locked the door quickly behind himself before the poodle could sprint out, heading down the hall outside of the loft. He still had a lingering scent of heat, would for the next day or so, so he made sure to bundle up. He shuffled towards the elevators and got into the first open one. Victor lived on the top floor of a twenty-five story building, owned the entire floor for himself. 

 

He made it to the twentieth floor before the machine stopped, dinging, another person filing on. Yuuri had never seen the man before, but he  _ reeked  _ of alpha. A spark of fear rolled up his spine, so he scooted towards the far end of the elevator, pressing his face into his scarf. He fiddled with his hands, eyes on the shining black tiles beneath his feet.

 

“Mm… And who might you be?” Yuuri tensed, the scent of alcohol hitting him suddenly. The alpha was much closer than he had been.

 

“Um, I’m Y-Yuuri…” He murmured, toes curling anxiously in his shoes. Had the elevator stopped? It felt like they weren’t moving-

 

“Yuuri? That’s a pretty name, sweetheart. You smell real nice, little omega. What do you say you blow off that rich playboy you’re fucking around with and come hang out with me?” He wrapped a hand around Yuuri’s chubby upper arm, the other on the elevator wall beside hi head. The omega’s breath hitched fearfully.

 

“N-No thank you…” He whimpered, voice barely above a whisper, trying to jerk his arm from the man’s disgusting grasp. 

 

“Awe, come on.” He growled, grip tightening. “I’d love to have you sucking my cock, you know? I’m sure you’re willing to do it for that damn Nikiforov bastard, so why not me? I have just as much money as he does.” Yuuri gave a little whine, pushing at him.

 

“N-No please, st-stop i-it-” He choked on a sob. “St-Stop it.” He grit his teeth as the alpha got closer, squeezing his eyes shut. “Please, j-just stop!” Tears leaked from his eyes, spilling down his reddened cheeks. The alpha ignored him and pressed closer still, hot, smelly breath against the omega’s neck, deep blue scarf yanked out of the way, hard-on digging into Yuuri’s thigh, grinding into the flesh. 

 

Yuuri sobbed harder, continuing to push and shove at the alpha, continued begging him to stop,  _ please, I don’t like it, please, please stop, please- _

 

“What the  _ hell  _ is going on?!” Yuuri’s eyes snapped open, blurred with fat tears, darting towards the open elevator doors. Victor stood between them- when had they opened? Yuuri hadn’t even heard the ding- a sharp look in his eyes, the scent of rage filling the air around them. The no-name alpha had his large grubby hands up Yuuri’s shirt, bite marks across the omega’s collarbones. His coat had been ripped open, his bra unsnapped. 

 

The man pulled away with irritation, glaring at Victor. He squeezed Yuuri’s breast, bringing a sob from his trembling lips. 

 

“We’re busy, asshole. Get lost.” 

 

“You get the  _ hell  _ away from my Yuuri, you sick piece of shit!” The Russian stormed over, blue eyes blazing furiously. He grabbed the man by the arm and ripped him away from Yuuri violently, the omega dropping onto his ass the moment he was let go. 

 

Yuuri couldn’t breathe, oh god, his chest was moving, he was getting air, but he couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t pulling any air through his mouth, through his windpipe, even though he was gaping like a fish, gasping and choking on harsh sobs. He didn’t register the pained wails he was making, didn’t realize his arms were crossed over his chest, didn’t realize he’d curled up in the far corner of the elevator, practically screaming in his terror. 

 

He barely managed to come back to himself when Victor cupped his face, pale knuckles bruised purple and bloody, swollen from the beating he must have given the fucker who touched him. 

 

“Yuuri?! Yuuri, are you okay?! Breathe, darling, in and out.” He stroked the omega’s pudgy cheeks, voice wavering in panic, but staying gentle as he coaxed Yuuri from his daze. “Love,  _ lyubov’,  _ please, do what I’m doing, in and out.” The alpha took dramatic breaths, deep and loud for Yuuri to hear and copy. 

 

His sobs died down within a few minutes of gentle coaxing, Victor speaking softly, comforting words tumbling from his lips. He only lifted the stunned omega up when Yuuri wrapped his shaking arms around his shoulders, burying his wet face, sticky with snot and tears, into Victor’s neck. The alpha peppered the side of his face with kisses, bringing him from the elevator and sitting down right outside of it, placing Yuuri in his lap. He let him cry into his neck, let him smear his shoulder with gunk, rocking him slowly. Yuuri only realized someone must have called the police when he looked up from Victor’s neck to see an officer asking Victor questions, brows furrowed. They said a few more things to each other, Yuuri’s breathing returning to a more normal rhythm, before the alpha turned to look at him, massaging his lower back. 

 

“Yuuri, my darling?” He kissed the top of his head, speaking softly into his curls. 

 

“Y-Yeah?” He sniffled, voice hoarse from his screaming. He fisted his hand into Victor’s rumpled shirt, pressing closer.

 

“Did he hurt you?” He nuzzled his hair, breathing deeply. “I saw him touching your chest, did he touch you anywhere else,  _ luchik?” _

 

Yuuri shook his head, breathing out a little hiccup. “N-No… J-Just my chest…”

 

“Officer Wright wants to know if you’d like to go to the hospital? He’s willing to escort us so we don’t have to call an ambulance.” Victor’s hand rubbed soothing circles into his back.

 

He sniffled and shook his head again. “C-Can we j-just g-go home?” He whispered brokenly, eyes getting hot as more tears filled them. 

 

“Of course we can, beautiful. The police will come take your statement after you rest. They’ve taken mine already.” He shifted Yuuri in his arms and stood, getting onto a different elevator and taking him back up to the loft.

 

* * *

 

 

They laid together for hours, Yuuri curled in Victor’s arms, face buried in his neck, arms pressed between their chests. 

 

Victor had helped him bathe when they got up to the apartment, had cleaned him carefully and gently. The alpha dressed him in the softest pajamas, laid him in bed and scent him. He had Yuuri drink some water and got him to eat a few apple slices but the Japanese man couldn’t handle more than half the apple before his stomach started churning and he had to stop. 

 

Victor laid beside him at his request, pulled the blankets over both of them, let Yuuri position himself comfortably before scenting him again. He’d kissed his face, rubbed his sides, brought quiet giggles and purrs from the omega, snickering and crooned beside him.

 

Yuuri drifted in and out of restless sleep for hours, dreaming of his old alpha, dreaming of the man who assaulted him in the elevator. He woke up sobbing more than once, but Victor was always there, always scented him and held him, let him cry, let him blubber about what happened.

 

Yuuri tried apologizing- it was his fault, he’d been too enticing- but Victor had none of it, told him it wasn’t his fault, that no matter what, the assault was  _ not  _ Yuuri’s fault if he’d said no, if he hadn’t wanted it. He consoled him each time the fears resurfaced, kissed his face and stroked his hair, his hips, his back. 

 

He managed to get Yuuri to eat the next morning, once he’d gotten a few consecutive hours of a nap, waking around six and being unable to get back to sleep, the scene from the previous afternoon playing behind his eyelids each time he closed them.

 

Victor made his darling omega eggs and rice, a soft meal, and Yuuri ate just over half before stopping. They moved to the couch a little later, Yuuri curled against Victor’s side, wrapped in the blanket from his bed. They watched movies all afternoon, only stopped when the police came and took Yuuri’s statement of the incident from the day before. Yuuri had cried again, when they left, and Victor rocked him, whispered words of praise and encouragement for being so brave, told that he was okay until he finally relaxed again and they were able to continue their movie marathon. 

 

Victor ordered them two pizzas for dinner that night, pepperoni and sausage, and Yuuri ate almost an entire eight-slice pizza on his own, Victor eating a little less and putting the rest of the meal in the fridge after sneaking Makkachin a slice of the greasy, late-night repast. 

  
They cuddled until Yuuri fell asleep, Victor carrying him to the bedroom and laying him down. The alpha brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas before getting into bed beside his beautiful Yuuri, wrapping him up in his arms and falling into his own fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn y'all
> 
> i didnt intend for this to happen but i mean  
> it happened


	7. Transmogrify

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The movie wasn't nearly as good as they thought it would be, and Victor complained loudly, childishly, once they left, whiny and inconsolable. It was cute, made Yuuri giggle, because he didn't even care that the movie was bad. Anything was good with Victor, regardless of whether or not it was a cheesy romcom with no actual basis or really any hilarity at all. Yuuri would see a million terrible movies as long as he got to do it with Victor, got to listen to his chortles and snorts and little noises the alpha only displayed to people he cared about.
> 
>  
> 
> Victor was easily excitable, and it made Yuuri's tummy flutter in the most amazing of ways. The alpha would point out shops on the way to dinner, tell him they had to go there, would point out another and jokingly say “should we get a new couch?”, and Yuuri would giggle and nod, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt even through their cold numbness. Sure, they should get a new couch. Yuuri would get a new couch every day if it meant they could spend time like this forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back bitches

Yuuri took a shuddering breath, messing with his hair in the mirror. He stood in front of it, bare except for his underwear, the particular pair hugging his hips deliciously.

 

Victor was taking him to a movie, one they'd seen a commercial for on tv and laughed their asses off about, and then out to dinner. He didn't need to look nice, jeans and a sweater would be just fine, the alpha had sad, but Yuuri had found such a cute shirt at the discount store, and it hugged his curves so beautifully. He absolutely  _ had  _ to wear it, had to show it off. 

 

The shirt was long, a beige blouse splattered with color, different shades of blue. It looked almost like someone had flicked a paintbrush at the material, like an extremely tame Pollock painting. The top was a v-neck, low cut and baring the slightest hint of his chest. He felt  _ confident  _ in it, beautiful. 

 

The omega turned around and grabbed his black leggings from his bed, rolling them up his legs. He fixed the waistband just above his navel, snapping them into place. He grabbed his new top afterwards, slipping it on. It reached to his mid-thigh, flowy and soft. It tightened around his wrists, flared out around his neck. 

 

He smoothed out the skirt-like end of the shirt, tugging his socks on afterwards. He grabbed his dark maroon scarf and matching gloves from his top dresser drawer, tossing them on the bed before going to grab his little makeup bag, applying foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and some light lip gloss. He applied so little that he barely looked different from before, but the blue of the mascara and eyeliner combination made his eyes pop. 

 

He went back to the bed and pulled on his beanie, his coat, scarf, and gloves following. He shuffled out from his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him to ensure that Makkachin wouldn’t go snooping. He passed Victor- the alpha was on the couch, tying his boots- on his way to the front entrance of the apartment to grab his own boots and tug them on. He made his way back to the couch, plopping down beside Victor with a sweet smile, cheeks heating up to match his lip gloss. 

 

Victor smiled right back, eyes shining. “Are you ready to go?” Yuuri nodded, rising slowly. Victor stood as well, taking Yuuri's gloved hand in his own. “Let's go then!” 

 

* * *

 

 

The walk to the theatre wasn't long, but it certainly was cold. Yuuri couldn't feel his ears, toes, nose, or fingers by the time they reached the old building, his teeth chattering in his skull. 

 

The movie wasn't nearly as good as they thought it would be, and Victor complained loudly, childishly, once they left, whiny and inconsolable. It was cute, made Yuuri giggle, because he didn't even  _ care  _ that the movie was bad. Anything was good with Victor, regardless of whether or not it was a cheesy romcom with no actual basis or really any hilarity at all. Yuuri would see a million terrible movies as long as he got to do it with Victor, got to listen to his chortles and snorts and little noises the alpha only displayed to people he cared about. 

 

Victor was easily excitable, and it made Yuuri's tummy flutter in the most amazing of ways. The alpha would point out shops on the way to dinner, tell him they  _ had  _ to go there, would point out another and jokingly say “should we get a new couch?”, and Yuuri would giggle and nod, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt even through their cold numbness. Sure, they should get a new couch. Yuuri would get a new couch every day if it meant they could spend time like this forever. 

 

Victor pointed out stars, found constellations, told him what each one was. Yuuri knew constellations, but like hell he was going to tell the Russian man so. As Victor showed him stars, talked about them animatedly, his eyes shone with the light of the moon, and Yuuri found himself trapped in the ocean-like softness of them, trapped in their endless waves of green and blue. He watched the emotion playing on his face, watched his cheeks flush excitedly as he talked, babbled, really, because Yuuri had drowned out the noise long ago, too enamored with the beautiful man before him, the cool celebrity bachelor who was really just a huge dork for stars, for food, for cuddling, for jokes, for his dog. 

 

They shared the same side of the booth at the restaurant, Yuuri's head on Victor’s shoulder. The alpha kept scenting him, kept breathing him in each time he nuzzled into his curls, ratty and fluffy from the wind. Even though Yuuri ordered his own dinner, a beef stew that reminded him of his mother’s, Victor fed him a lot of his own food, a crab and lobster thing that was going to make Yuuri fat but  _ god  _ he didn't  _ care _ . Everything was just so  _ perfect _ . 

 

The perfect end to the perfect night landed then cuddling on the couch, Makkachin sprawled over their laps and demanding pets from the both of them. They watched crappy movies, laughed and made fun of them until they got drowsy, warm and full of food and wine and contentment. They kissed, sweet, gentle moldings of their lips, young and innocent and nervous, awkward and new. Victor’s hand was on Yuuri's cheek, stroking with his thumb, Yuuri's nails scratching the alpha between his shoulder blades, arms around his neck. 

 

But, alas, all things must come to an end, and Victor had work the next day, had to at least get some sleep. He bade Yuuri goodnight, kissed his nose, his lips, his forehead before finally retiring to his room, Makkachin trotting lazily behind him. 

 

But Yuuri didn't want it to end. He didn't want to go back to his own room, sleep in his bed alone, without the scent of the man he loved. 

 

He wanted to  _ stay  _ with Victor, wanted to go to bed with him, wanted to wake up to him. He wanted to deal with the eye crusties and the bad breath and the messy hair. He wanted  _ real _ , wanted safe and calm, wanted  _ love.  _ He wanted a relationship that wasn't just the honeymoon stage, but was settled, twenty years worth of a marriage with the same amount of love as the first time they both realized it, with old bones and wrinkly fingers and a grandbaby on the way. He wanted a ring that still sparkled, still reminded him of the day they met, even though it hadn't been shined since their tenth anniversary. 

 

_ That's  _ what Yuuri wanted. 

 

And he wanted it with Victor. 

 

* * *

 

 

The media exploded. 

 

The first thing Victor noticed upon getting to work was the exuberant amount of paparazzi standing outside, probably four times what it usually was. He blinked, confused, and helped his darling omega from the car, grinning to himself as Yuuri's nose scrunched at the light of the sun. He pulled his sunglasses off and gave them to the anxious man, who giggled and thanked him shyly. 

 

“There's a lot of people here…” He said softly, gently placing his hand into Victor's. “Is it usually like this?”

 

“It's not usually this bad, but there's always paparazzi. It's a film set.” He shrugged. “Don't be nervous, I'll keep you safe.” He gave Yuuri a dazzling smile and a wink, earning another giggle. He led him towards the set, where the rest of his crew was impatiently waiting. 

 

The little blonde omega was irritatingly spitting his lines at the redhead girl, who looked like she wasn't trying very hard not to laugh. Georgi was chattering to a female crew worker, cracking jokes and blushing like a teenager. The two older alphas- the man with no hair and the scary woman- were talking to each quietly, the scary woman smiling. 

 

“You're late.” Yuuri turned to the sound, cheeks pinking. He'd been so busy studying the scary lady’s smiling face- she had a very pretty smile- that he hadn't noticed the little blonde- Yuri as well, he believed- walk up to them. 

 

“I'm always late.” Victor laughed. “It's in style now.” Yuuri pressed closer to him, hands wrapped around his arm. The tall alpha didn't seem to mind though, just letting him do it, showing no signs he even noticed. 

 

Yuri scowled and rolled his eyes. “Shut up and get on set, you dumb shit. Yakov almost…” He scrunched his brows. “Gave birth to a calf?”

 

“Yakov almost had a cow?” Yuuri supplied quietly, helpfully. The other Yuri snapped his fingers and pointed at him. He had a pretty thick accent, and Yuuri was a little surprised by it. 

 

_ “Da.  _ Yes. That.” He grunted. Yuuri smiled at him, flushing prettily at the kiss Victor placed to the top of his head. “Oh, gross.” The other Yuri scowled. “Ew, do that nasty shit on your own time. Blegh.  _ Protivnyy.” _

 

Victor laughed, the sound cut off by a sharp whistle. 

 

“Nikiforov! On set, now!” 

 

The large alpha sighed dramatically. “Ah, my Yuuri, I must go. I'll miss you terribly.” The little Japanese man giggled and kissed his cheek. 

 

“I'll miss you too. I'll watch from over here, okay?”

 

“Okay!” Victor beamed and jogged towards the stage, Yakov’s face red with the force of his yells upon seeing him. Victor just laughed, talking the verbal abuse like it was a handful of flower petals to the face, patting the old man’s back. 

 

Yuuri smiled and plopped down on one of the beanbags just off set and pulled out his phone. He intended to just check up on his family’s website, maybe browse around on some online clothing store, but the amount of twitter notifications blowing up his phone where a considerably bigger deal, so he decided to check in first. 

 

What he saw made bile rise in his throat. The thread was based around an article, about he and Victor. Someone had taken pictures of them on their date to the movies, to dinner, and had written a page and a half on it. 

 

The article accused Yuuri of being a gold digger, an omegan whore looking for money and sex and fame. They played Victor like a victim, as if he was being tricked into loving Yuuri. There were comments about his weight, about the plainness of his features. Yuuri didn't even notice he was crying, hyperventilating, until he heard Victor voice, felt his gentle hands on his cheek. 

 

He showed his alpha what he'd seen, saw Victor’s face contort angrily. 

 

“Yuuri, my beautiful. Look at me, darling.” He murmured, fully cupping his face. He massaged his thumbs over the omega’s cheekbones. There was fury in his eyes, but his expression was soft, warm. “You're no whore, and you're no gold digger. Do you know how I know this?”

 

“H-How?” Yuuri hiccuped, leaning into Victor's touch. His voice sounded foreign, far away. 

 

“Because not once have you asked me for money, and we only made love during your heat. There are always going to be reporters and journalists that say awful, awful things about you, about me, about our relationship. But the things they say are based on their own opinions and what the people want to hear. They are not truthful. I  _ love  _ you, Yuuri. A silly article won't change that. Alright?”

 

The omega, sniffling and sobbing, nodded, leaning into Victor’s hands, falling into his arms. Victor rocked him, scented him, murmured sweet words into his hair until Yuuri calmed enough for him to go back to his set, to continue working. 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri had yet to speak to his family since he ran. He assumed they would try to contact him, maybe file a missing person's report, but as far as he knew, that hadn't happened. 

 

It worried him, the fact that they weren't concerned about him never even crossing his mind. His mother used to call him every week, usually Tuesdays because that's when the onsen was the emptiest, when it required the least amount of work and attention. 

 

It wasn't like Yuuri could ask Victor to let him make a long distance call- they were expensive, and charged by the minute here. He could possibly borrow the alpha’s computer to Skype his family, but he didn't want to be invasive, and Victor might say no. 

 

The omega sighed, tapping his fingers against his thigh. 

 

“What's the matter,  _ detka?” _ Victor squeezed his arm, Yuuri tuning back in. He leaned into his touch, nuzzling his shoulder. 

 

“I… What… Hm…” He mumbled, taking a deep breath. He was nervous, didn't want Victor to get angry, even though he knew it was extremely unlikely that he would. He nibbled on his thumbnail. 

 

“You can ask me anything, love.” Victor placed his hand over Yuuri's and pushed it away from his mouth. “I won't be upset with you.”

 

“Mm… Okay, um, I w-was wondering…” He took a shaky breath, trailing off. 

 

“You were wondering…?”

 

“I-If maybe I could use your computer to call my family?” He said softly, avoiding eye contact. “It's just that… I haven't seen them in a while and I miss them, so-”

 

“Of course you can use my computer!” The alpha hopped up and practically sprinted from the room, back with his computer in a matter of seconds. Victor typed his password and pulled up skype before handing the laptop to Yuuri. 

 

“Ah, thank you.” He flushed, offering the Russian man a sweet smile. He logged into his account, searching for his sister’s icon and clicking on it. It only rung a few times before she answered. 

 

_ “Yuuri?” _

 

“Mari-nee-chan!” 

 

_ “Holy shit, Yuuri! Oh my god, it's  _ amazing  _ to see you!” She grinned at him. “How are you? Where are you?” _

 

“I'm doing well, Mari.” He smiled warmly. His entire demeanor was relaxed as he spoke with his sister, someone he was comfortable with. Victor watched quietly from his spot beside him, his own body relaxing in response to his omega’s. 

 

_ “Yuuri, shit’s been nuts over here. Kazuhiro told us you ran off with somebody, but we knew that couldn't be true. You wouldn't do that.”  _ Mari sighed and ran a hand through her hair, the dark of the bottom matching Yuuri's, the top bleached. _ “Mom called you a few times, but you never picked up. She's worrying herself sick, kid.” _

 

“I had to change my number…” He murmured. Shit, he forgot to give his sister his new number. Yuuri retreated back in on himself, shoulders hunching. Victor placed a warm, comforting hand on his back, pressing his thumb into the ridges of Yuuri's spine. 

 

_ “Why?” _

 

“Well, um… I-It's a long story…” He bit his lip, switching to Japanese so Victor wouldn't be able to understand him. The alpha didn't need to know about this.  _ “Kazuhiro… hurt me, a lot…”  _ He said softly, quietly. 

 

_ “What do you mean? Did he hit you, Yuuri?”  _ Something distinctly alpha flashed behind his sister’s eyes. Her pupils dilated.  _ “Yuuri, did he hit you?”  _ She annunciated every word, canines poking sharply from her gums. 

 

Yuuri nodded, looking away from the screen.  _ “A-And some other stuff, but-” _

 

“ _ What other stuff? Yuuri, what the hell did he do? I’ll rip his dick off with my bare hands.”  _ The omega winced. 

 

_ “There was some s-sexual stuff, a lot of sexual stuff, a-and a lot of hitting, b-but Mari-” _

 

_ “How long did it go on?”  _ Her dark eyes flashed again, and Yuuri felt tears springing to his own. He grabbed at Victor's thigh, seeking the knowledge that he was there, that he was safe. Victor took his hand and squeezed gently, murmuring sweet words into his knuckles. 

 

_ “Th-The whole time…”  _ He croaked, voice barely above a whisper. He felt the chill of cold air against tear tracks on his face, a feeling he'd gotten used to, a feeling he was able to recognize. He sniffled and swiped at his face with his free hand, flinching as Mari growled.  _ “I'm s-sorry nee-chan-” _

 

_ “Yuuri, do  _ **_not_ ** _ be sorry. This is in no way your fault, do you understand me?”  _ Yuuri hiccuped, nodding quickly.  _ “He beat and raped you, yeah? I'm filing a fucking police report, believe me. And I'm telling mom, whether you like it or not. She’ll rip his throat out with her teeth.” _

 

_ “W-Wait! You can't tell her! She’ll think it was her fault!”  _ The omega yelped, vision blurred with tears. Victor’s hand on his back was a gentle reminder of where he was, who he was with, kept him from breaking down completely. 

 

_ “Mom will understand, Yuuri.”  _ Mari’s eyes were full of anger but her face was sad.  _ “She’ll beat herself up, sure. We all will, because we should have realized he was doing that to you.”  _ She sighed, running a hand through her hair before ducking out of the camera frame. She returned a moment later, a cigarette between her teeth as she lit it.  _ “Where are you now? Are you safe?” _ She blew smoke away from the computer. 

 

He sniffled and nodded, shoulders shaking.  _ “A-Americ-ca.”  _ He choked out, leaning against Victor.  _ “I-I'm safe…” _

 

_ “Do you promise?” _

 

_ “Y-Yeah.”  _ Yuuri swiped at his nose, pulling a face at the snot smeared on the back of his hand. 

 

_ “Text me your new number, okay? Mama’s gonna want to talk to you.” _ He nodded.  _ “Love you, kiddo. Stay safe.”  _ Mari waved, waiting until Yuuri responded before hanging up. 

 

Yuuri closed the laptop, breathing erratic. He turned to Victor, sitting the computer to the side. Victor opened his arms, a croon already building in his chest. Yuuri fell forward, completely breaking down. Victor held him, rocked him, pressed kisses to his face as he sobbed, wailed, choked on his own snot.  

 

He was safe. 

 

Oh god, he was safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing. bad. should. ever. happen. to. yuuri. katsuki.


	8. A Lack of Confidence, An Influx of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Speaking up, asking Victor to please, please stop, to please pay attention to him, would make him seem needy, clingy, would make Victor feel bad for speaking to his friend, for being friendly in the most European of ways, and Yuuri didn’t want that. He would rather drag his own pathetic ass back home, sad and sick, than make Victor think Yuuri couldn’t handle something as innocent as two long-time friends having dinner, nuzzling and kissing each other's’ cheeks.
> 
>  
> 
> His throat burned viciously, tears unshed and blurring his vision. He squashed his scent, forced the smell of desperation, of panic, of sadness, of pain, of abandonment, back into his body, pushed them down so Victor wouldn't be able to smell them.
> 
>  
> 
> He kept his mouth shut, clamped, biting his plump lips, let his wonderful alpha, his perfect Victor, have his fun, let him cuddle and coo at his omegan friend, let them laugh and goof around like teenagers. He kept his legs crossed, kept his belly sucked in, kept his head down.
> 
>  
> 
> Yuuri kept his mouth shut, even though all he wanted to do was scream."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the lack of updates lately! i had some trouble wording what i wanted, and then a few finals came up. I'll be done with them in a few weeks though (two next week and two the week after) so the updates SHOULD get back on track after that!!!  
> Thanks to everyone who comments and likes! it really makes my day to see comments and kudos, lol  
> <3

Yuuri’s jeans were too tight against his hips.

 

He and Victor were going to dinner with Victor's _best_ friend, a tall Swiss omega that he'd known since childhood.

 

And Yuuri could not, for the life of him, breathe in these pants. He'd worn them two days ago, he knew because he'd washed them after so he could wear them today, and fuck, they’d fit him then, but they sure as hell didn't fit him now. They were too tight, more than just snug against his hips, an almost muffintop poking over where he had _barely_ managed to button them.

 

He huffed uncomfortably, unsnapping the metal button before it popped. He needed to find something else to wear, clearly. Obviously his pants had shrunk in the wash- he must have not been thinking and used the wrong machine setting- because there was no way he'd gained five-plus pounds in two days. Yuuri had the ability to gain weight pretty quickly, but not that quickly.

 

He stomped over the closet in his room and ripped it open, oddly aggravated, and started digging through his pants. He pulled out pair after pair, tried each on, and nothing fit. Nothing at all.

 

He might be able to get into sweats, but this dinner was a little nicer than that. It was casual, but it wasn't _that_ casual. He had some leggings that _could_ work, maybe, but he'd need to find a long shirt, or even a dress, and he wasn't sure they had that kind of time.

 

Yuuri went to the dresser across from the bed, puffing out breaths of irritation. His cheeks were flushed, even though he'd barely exerted himself. He ripped open the second drawer and began to dig, growling and hissing to himself. He pulled out three different legging options, his biggest ones, and tugged the black pair on. The pair was snug, but it wasn't so bad that he couldn't wear them for a few hours.

 

The omega, thoroughly pissed and cursing every washing machine in existence, stormed back to his closet to sort through his blouses, trying to find one long enough to reach his ass at least. He finally found one, a pale blue sweater that had been stretched due to years of wear and tear. He yanked it over his head and re-fluffed his hair, pouting all the way to the bathroom. He quickly applied light makeup before skittering back to his room to pull socks on, grabbing his deep blue gloves, hat, and scarf.

 

“Yuuri?” Victor tapped on the door with his knuckles, frowning. “Are you almost ready, _detka?”_

 

Yuuri practically tore the door from its hinges, plump, pretty face still screwed up in anger. Victor blinked at him, holding the omega’s coat over his arm.

 

“A yes, then?”

 

* * *

 

Yuuri's anger had faded by the time they reached the restaurant, and he was rather ashamed and mortified by his behavior. He would need to apologize to Victor properly for it.

 

The building was nice, a restaurant hotel that Christophe had apparently picked. The decor was ornate, golds and silvers, whites and deep purples, splattered with black and different shades of blue. It was beautiful, the chairs leather and soft, Yuuri sinking into the plush seat the second he sat down.

 

Victor laughed softly at him and took a seat beside him, beaming. He pressed a kiss to Yuuri's cheek, lacing their fingers together.

 

“Don't be nervous, _detka_ . _”_ He murmured, bringing Yuuri's hand to his mouth and pressing gentle, fluttering kisses to his knuckles. The omega blushed and giggled, weakly tugging his hand away. Victor smiled warmly. “Chris is… boisterous, is a good word, and very tactile, but he's very kind. You’ll like him.”

 

Yuuri nodded, leaning his head against his alpha’s strong shoulder, biting back his purrs. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

Chris certainly was… exuberant, Yuuri realized very early on into the evening. He was certainly nice, a few funny man too. He was nothing but kind, engaging Yuuri in conversation even when the younger omega shied away, kept trying to make sure _Yuuri_ felt comfortable.

 

But, as stupid as it was, each time the gorgeous- and clearly very fertile, if his scent was anything to go by- omega got close to his mate, smell unhinged, unblocked, Yuuri’s grip would tighten against his own legs, fingernails digging crescents into the flabby flesh. He would bite back growls, force his face into a neutral expression, his stomach twisting with a strange angry, jealous, and fearful concoction of emotions.

 

Yuuri kept himself at bay, even if all he wanted to do was release his weak, disgusting scent, crawl into Victor’s lap, offer himself just to keep Victor _looking,_ because the minute he stopped looking, stopped paying attention, he would realize he could do better than Yuuri- _so much better-_ and he would draw away from his clingy ass, ask Yuuri to leave because he simply didn’t _love_ him anymore.

 

Yuuri felt sick, absolutely awful, because Victor and Chris were just friends, he knew that, but the nagging voice in the back of his mind, the memories of his own mate, who slept with anyone he wanted whenever he wanted, regardless of whether or not Yuuri was only a room away, told him to worry, told him to be afraid, because if someone had left him before, had stopped loving him before, someone would do it again. If Kazuhiro had recognized that he was _not_ worthy of love, of care, then surely Victor would too, eventually.

 

He barely ate, picked at a salad, unable to stomach even half of it. He drew in on himself within an hour, Victor and Christophe full of wine and laughing together, nuzzling, pack-scenting, slightly beyond a little buzzed. It scared him, because the blonde omega was single, and he and Victor- two perfect, beautiful people- flirted playfully back and forth, leaving Yuuri in his own corner of the booth, sober and on the verge of a breakdown, on the verge of an omega drop.

 

But Yuuri kept his mouth shut. Speaking up, asking Victor to please, please stop, to please pay attention to him, would make him seem needy, clingy, would make Victor feel bad for speaking to his friend, for being friendly in the most European of ways, and Yuuri didn’t want that. He would rather drag his own pathetic ass back home, sad and sick, than make Victor think Yuuri couldn’t handle something as innocent as two long-time friends having dinner, nuzzling and kissing each other's’ cheeks.

 

His throat burned viciously, tears unshed and blurring his vision. He squashed his scent, forced the smell of desperation, of panic, of sadness, of pain, of abandonment, back into his body, pushed them down so Victor wouldn't be able to smell them.

 

He kept his mouth shut, clamped, biting his plump lips, let his wonderful alpha, his perfect Victor, have his fun, let him cuddle and coo at his omegan friend, let them laugh and goof around like teenagers. He kept his legs crossed, kept his belly sucked in, kept his head down.

 

Yuuri kept his mouth shut, even though all he wanted to do was scream.

 

* * *

 

_Sharp pain rolled through his abdomen, a sizzling sound burning his ears._

 

_He gripped his belly, rounded, with both hands, digging his nails into the blackened flesh._

 

_There was blood, so much blood._

 

_He was sitting in a tub of it, surrounded by thick, dark red, gooey and sticky, warm against his thighs. Even though he was surrounded, blood stained nothing but his inner thighs._

 

_The pain was back, radiating to his hips and back. He felt like he was being stabbed, soundless screams bubbling from his throat, cracking it with the force._

 

_He screamed and screamed and screamed, because it wasn’t fair, why did this have to keep happening, why couldn’t he do what his body was designed to do?_

 

_Blood kept coming, clotted and almost black, and it wouldn’t stop, the pain getting worse with each passing second, with each shriek._

 

* * *

 

Yuuri woke with a start, a scream on his lips. He swallowed the sound, bile rising in his throat, and sat up, pulling the thick, fluffy blankets up to his shoulders.

 

He placed trembling hands over his stomach, still squishy and soft, kicking the covers off of his lap. He ripped his pajama pants down without thought, hands splaying over his thighs, dry and clean from his earlier bath.

 

There was no pain anywhere, nothing sharp and stabbing in his lower abdomen. There was no violent ache of an old feeling, one he’d grown accustomed to, in his hips or back, no blood dotting the inside of his underwear, nothing smeared along his inner thighs.

 

Yuuri sobbed, nearly broke down, heart hammering so wildly in his chest that it _hurt_ , hysteria bubbling to the surface, accompanying his panic.

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

He could vaguely hear Makkachin scratching at the door, hear his muffled sniffles and soft barks against the bottom opening, could hear his desperate whines. He choked out breathless sobs, inhaling large gulps of air.

 

“Yuuri? Yuuri, _detka,_ are you okay?” Yuuri’s head snapped up, staring at the door, the words and knocks muffled by the cloud in his brain, by his sobs. “Yuuri, my sweet, my love, my darling, my star, let me in. Let me in, honey, please, what happened?”

 

The doorknob jiggled, and Yuuri was off the bed and over to the other side of the room before he even realized it, practically ripping the door open. He fell into Victor’s arms, sobbing hysterically into his chest, nearly screaming, gripping tightly to his robe.

 

“Yuuri?” Victor slid slowly to the ground, to his knees, as Yuuri’s legs gave out, his sobs so hard and violent that Victor himself felt sick. “Are you hurt? What happened, _dorogoy?”_

 

Victor pressed his nose into Yuuri’s hair, rocking ever so slightly. He nuzzled the shaking, wailing omega in his arms, murmured soft words into his curls. He rubbed Yuuri’s lower back, let him scream and sob and nearly puke into his lap, held him until the horrific, pained sounds trailed off, ebbed away to sniffles and hiccups.

 

 _"Detka?”_   Yuuri whimpered, blinking back tears, tilting his chin up weakly to meet Victor’s eyes. “What happened, sweetheart?” Victor’s words were soft, gentle. He rubbed Yuuri’s hip as he spoke, perfect brows furrowed in concern.

 

“I-I had a… a n-nightmare, I…” He hiccuped, breaking off in the middle of his sentence. He brought a trembling hand up to scrub at his face. “I-I’m sorry, s-sorry-”

 

“Shh, shh. That’s alright.” Victor shushed, leaning forward to gently butting their noses together. “You don’t need to be sorry, _lyubov’ moya._ Would you like to tell me what it was about?”

 

“Th-There was s-so much blood, I-” He hiccuped, slapping his hand over his mouth, eyes squeezing shut.

 

“Oh, are you going to throw up?” At Yuuri’s nod, Victor scooped him up carefully, quickly leaving the room and rushing down the hall, pushing his way into the bathroom. He sat Yuuri in front of the toilet, rubbing his back and stroking his bangs away from his face as he emptied his stomach forcefully, retches harsh and followed by coughs and dry heaves.

 

Yuuri sat back on his heals, breathing heavily, when he finished, dark eyes glazed. “I-I… I d-dreamed a-about l-losing a b-baby…” He hiccuped, slumping. He avoided Victor’s gaze, continuing weakly, voice hoarse. “I-I’ve l-lost so m-many babies…” He whispered brokenly, coughing hard when he finished. Victor rose to fill the glass on the counter with water, crouching back down and handing it to Yuuri when it was full.

 

“Breathe, _zvezda moya.”_ He murmured, massaging large circles to his back. “It’s alright.” He waited silently, patiently, for Yuuri to continue.

 

“F-Four, I think…” Yuuri spoke again, softly, when he’d finished his water. “I c-can’t… I-I’m sorry, I…” He sniffled, choking on a hiccup. “I d-didn’t m-mean to, I…” Tears dripped off his lashes, spilling down his chubby cheeks.

 

“Shh, shh… I’m sure it wasn’t your fault, darling…” Victor murmured, gentle, nuzzling his nose into Yuuri’s temple. “I’m not going to make you talk about this if you don’t want to, alright? I know something horrible happened to you, that’s clear to me, but if telling me takes time, or if it never happens, that’s okay. I don’t care about your past-”

 

“I-I don’t- I c-can’t give y-you b-babies…” The omega interrupted, choking on a shaky sob.

 

“That’s okay, Yuuri. My darling, my love, that’s perfectly fine. Your ability or inability to have children does not determine your worth, and it does not make me love you any less.” He cupped Yuuri’s face, brushing his tears away with his thumbs. Yuuri nodded, sniffling, and leaned into the touch.

 

“O-Okay… Okay…” He whispered, eyes slipping shut. Tears still spilled, but they were slowing.

 

“Would you like to sleep with me for the remainder of the night?”

 

“Y-Yeah… Thank you, Victor, I…” He sniffled.

 

“I love you, Yuuri.” Victor leaned forward, nuzzling their noses intimately.

 

“I-I love you t-too…”

 

* * *

 

Yuuri hugged the toilet bowl, fingers gripping so tightly that his knuckles ached. He moaned, lurching forward as he emptied his stomach of the rest of his lunch. It had been light, thankfully, so there wasn’t much to throw back up.

 

He was glad Victor worked during the day, at times like this, when he’d been curled up on the bathroom floor for almost an hour, too weak to move.

 

It had been happening for weeks, nearly two months, actually, this bug, and Yuuri didn’t want to think of what it could be, of what his dream just days before had meant. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that the weight gain, the nausea, the hunger, the irritation, the need to be close to Victor, meant exactly what he was dreading.

 

It meant pregnancy.

 

And for Yuuri, pregnancy meant attachment to the barely-there bump he was beginning to sport, and waking up with an unbearable pain in his stomach, a puddle of blood beneath him- ruining his clothes, his mattress, his sheets- his inner thighs smeared with the horrifically dark fluid. Pregnancy meant miscarriages, and miscarriages meant hatred from his alpha. It meant, no matter what Victor had said, he couldn’t do the one thing he was genetically engineered to do, couldn’t carry and birth a baby, couldn’t give his alpha a perfect mixture of the both of them, couldn’t give his alpha a reason to stay.

 

The thought, the idea, of being pregnant made him feel weird. He felt such a dislike for the idea, a fear of what was sure to come, felt it burn like bile in the back of his throat. But, at the same time, he felt excitement, hope, that bubbled up in his belly, made him grin. As he thought of what their child would look like, imagined what it would be like to be a mother, the nagging fear kept its place at the back of his mind, rearing its ugly head in his dreams when he couldn’t force it down.

 

Yuuri placed a hand over his stomach.

 

His tummy was still relatively squishy, a slight hardness there that hadn’t been there a month before. He looked and felt more bloated than anything, but he knew. He knew there was a _child_ inside of him, inside of his belly, resting and growing there, relying on Yuuri for food and protection.

 

He stroked his thumb over the flesh, taut in the areas around his hips and bellybutton. He rested his forehead on the white, previously clean toilet bowl, eyes trained, laser focused, really, on his belly, as if he could see the bump, as if just looking would prove that his child was there, that they were alive.

 

Yuuri took a deep, shaky breath.

  
He could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAYYYYYY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA


	9. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "His legs were crossed underneath him, like a pretzel- it was amazing he could still even get into this position- his belly resting against his ankles. He cupped his belly, gently running his hands over the smooth flesh. Stretch marks, white and red-brown alike, littered his hips and thighs, trailed across his body beautifully. His breasts were swollen, heavy, his nipples dark and full.
> 
> He looked pregnant, felt pregnant, and he knew he would only continue to grow, continue to get bigger and look more pregnant. And he loved it. It made the experience real, helped him to realize that he was carrying a baby, a real human life, something he and Victor had made together. Yuuri was going to be a mother. Victor was going to be a father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooooopppppp

He still hadn’t told Victor.

 

It was the longest he’d ever been pregnant, and he was getting to the point where sweatpants and big t-shirts were starting to not be able to hide his growing belly. He was going to need maternity clothes very soon, but he still hadn’t told his alpha, the father of his pup. 

 

He was too afraid of losing the baby, even at almost six months, too afraid of shattering Victor’s large heart because he’d killed this child too, just like all the others. 

 

It was hard, trying to hide all of his mood swings, his increased nesting habits, his clingy-ness, all of his weight gain and eating, all of his sudden scenting of all of Victor’s things. Lately Victor wasn't even able to leave the house if he didn't smell like Yuuri. It was hard to not rub his belly in wonder, in awe, out of habit, while Victor was around, because all he wanted to do was hold his tummy, massage it and speak to his baby.

 

He hadn’t gone to the doctor yet, and he knew he needed to, because something could be  _ wrong, _ but doctors appointments meant bills, and bills always made their way to Victor. He would ask, and Yuuri wouldn’t be able to  _ lie,  _ and he would have to admit that he was carrying the alpha’s baby, and then, God, he would probably lose it, Victor would probably  _ leave  _ him-

 

“Yo, piggy! I’m talking to you!”

 

Yuuri jolted, eyes crossing adorably to look at the snapping fingers in front of his nose. They uncrossed, his focus unblurring as he looked at the young blonde in front of him. He brought a hand to his face and pushed his glasses up. 

 

“Oh, hello, Plisetsky-kun.” The older omega smiled warmly, free hand twitching beside him as he basically forced himself not to cup his hidden bump. 

 

Despite Yuri’s constant, deliberate rudeness, Yuuri liked him, was able to completely brush off any and all of his insults with ease. He liked having the young omega around, liked listening to him babble about the handsome beta who brought them coffee in the mornings. Yuri  _ always  _ talked about the boy- from Kazakhstan, apparently. He talked about his hair and his eyes and his jokes and the way the older boy made him feel really, really weird. It was truly adorable, the hopeless crush Yuri had. 

 

“You're spacing out.” Yuri grunted, cheeks pinking, lowering his hand back to his lap. “I was talking to you and you just stopped listening!” He huffed, crossing his arms with an irritated pout. 

 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.” He gave the blonde a guilty look, still smiling. “What was it you were saying?” 

 

Yuri was crouched on the floor in front of him, Yuuri up on the couch. 

 

“I was saying that-” He grunted, sniffing at Yuuri with narrowed eyes. “You smell funny. Different than the last time I saw you.” The younger omega made a big deal of sniffing the air again when he was finished speaking. “Like, you smell all sweet and stuff.”

 

“Ah…” Yuuri tensed, fingers twitching, one of his hands instinctively moving towards his belly, the bump hidden by the large tee and sweatshirt combination he was sporting. “Do I?”

 

“Yeah. My cousin, Lena, smelled like that when-” His eyes went wide. “Oh my god…”

 

“What? What's the matter?” Yuuri felt his heart stop in his chest, his stomach twisting anxiously, bile rising in his throat. 

 

“You're pregnant, aren't you?! Goddammit, that shithead can't just fucking keep it in his pants!” Yuri gripped onto his ankles tightly, cheeks puffed out. The older omega tensed, shoulders hunching. 

 

“H-How did… What…”

 

“How long have you been pregnant?! Does he know?!” Yuuri flinched at the volume, at the tone. “Fuck, no, of course he doesn't, if he did I'd never hear the end of it.” He ruffled his hair, shoving it away from his face. “Why doesn't he know?” He narrowed his shining green eyes at Yuuri. 

 

“I-I… I, um, uh…” Yuuri stuttered, blinked, face red. 

 

“It's his, right?” Yuri growled, fixing a glare on the older omega. 

 

“O-Of course it is!” He yelped, eyes going wide behind his glasses. He held his belly, fingers curled tightly against it. He moved away from the blonde, sinking back into the couch cushions. 

 

Yuri stared at him, silent, contemplating, a sour expression marring his face. He seemed to not notice Yuuri's near panic attack, stuck in his own mind, blonde brows furrowed. 

 

“Can I see?”

 

“H-Huh?” Yuuri’s gaze flicked up to him, cheeks flushed, breathing heavily. 

 

“Can I see?” Yuri repeated. “Your… your belly, I mean…” He cleared his throat, cheeks and ears pinking, eyes trained on Yuuri’s thigh. 

 

“O-Oh… Oh, sure…” The older omega bit his lip, wrapping his fingers around the hem of his thick sweater and tugging it up, resting it just beneath his heavy, growing breasts. 

 

The skin was taut, white stretch marks dancing up the sides and across the bottom, like little creeks and streams all branching from one river. His belly was larger than Yuri expected, reaching out nearly to his mid-thigh. 

 

“How… How far along are you?” His brows furrowed, leaning so close his nose was almost pressed against the bump. 

 

“Oh, um, s-six months. Give or take a week or so.” Yuuri cupped the underside of his belly with one hand, the other holding his bunched sweatshirt out of the way. 

 

“Why doesn't he know?” The younger omega murmured, fingertips brushing over the large swell. He met Yuuri's eyes, only fully placing his hand on the bump at Yuuri’s nod. 

 

“I'm… I'm scared…” Yuuri whispered, staring at Yuri's hand against his belly, the blonde gently stroking with his thumb. 

 

“Why? Victor’s an idiot, but he's not gonna be mad about something like this.” Yuri seemed to be in a trance, completely tuned into Yuuri’s bump. “I want… to scent it. Can I scent it?” He murmured, breaking eye contact with Yuuri’s belly to look at the older omega. Yuuri shifted, pulling his leg up to rest his belly on. 

 

“Yes…”

 

Yuri leaned forward, brushing his nose and cheek against the warm flesh, a little, half purr-like sound rising from his chest. He tilted his chin up, massaging his scent gland against Yuuri's skin. The older omega smiled, stroking the side of his belly. 

 

Yuuri gasped, suddenly, hand flying to the bottom corner of his bump. “Oh!”

 

“What happened?!” Yuri jerked away, eyes wide, panic creeping into his open scent- usually spicy, like cinnamon ice cream- and turning it sour. 

 

Yuuri held his hand in the same spot, eyes widened and trained on the spot. “It… It kicked…” He whispered, unhidden awe on his face. 

 

“Let me feel, let me feel!” Yuri placed his hands over the spot, eyes sparkling like a child’s, the enthusiasm of a pup his age showing through his typically pissy attitude. The blonde gasped loudly at the little tap against his hand. “Woah! That's so amazing! Awesome!” He trailed off into quick, excited Russian, babbling as if Yuuri could understand him. 

 

The older omega just laughed, elated- he'd never felt his child kick before, never gotten the chance to experience it. He was so happy he was borderline in hysterics. He reached up and scrubbed beneath his eye with the heel of his hand, choking on a sob, grinning so large his cheeks ached. 

 

His baby was alive. 

 

He knew he had to tell Victor. 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri sat quietly in front of the full length mirror, completely bare. He was alone, Victor having been at work for hours now. He wanted to see himself, see the way he'd developed and grown. 

 

He was in Victor's room because he was the only one with a mirror this large. His legs were crossed underneath him, like a pretzel- it was amazing he could still even  _ get  _ into this position- his belly resting against his ankles. He cupped his belly, gently running his hands over the smooth flesh. Stretch marks, white and red-brown alike, littered his hips and thighs, trailed across his body beautifully. His breasts were swollen, heavy, his nipples dark and full. 

 

He looked pregnant,  _ felt  _ pregnant, and he knew he would only continue to grow, continue to get bigger and look more pregnant. And he  _ loved  _ it. It made the experience real, helped him to realize that he was carrying a  _ baby _ , a real human life, something he and Victor had made together. Yuuri was going to be a  _ mother _ . Victor was going to be a  _ father _ . 

 

They weren't mated, not yet at least, and each time Yuuri remembered that it sent a spark of rejection through his chest, because Victor wasn't mated to him, hadn't bitten him, so he could still leave, kick him out, if he wanted, if the baby  _ didn't  _ make him happy. 

 

Yuuri took a deep, shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment before reopening them, stroking his hand over his bump. The baby kicked lightly, at the bottom right side of his belly, near his thigh, and Yuuri giggled, the feeling still odd and foreign but completely and absolutely welcome. He tapped the spot gently. 

 

“Hello-”

 

“Yuuri…” 

 

Yuuri’s head snapped up, whipped to the side, eyes wide and panicked. His mouth dropped open, Victor staring back with a shocked expression, his own eyes wide and trained on Yuuri’s belly. The omega hadn't even heard him come in, hadn't smelled him. 

 

“V-Victor I-” He covered his chest, cheeks inflaming and turning a deep red. He swiped for the robe beside him, pulling it on quickly. He got onto his knees as fast as he could and tried to stand. 

 

“You're… pregnant…”

 

“Y-Yes I-” Yuuri’s breath hitched in his throat. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Victor was angry, he was going to leave, oh god-

 

“I'll leave you alone…” Victor dropped his bag, frowning, and turned around, tie half loosened around his neck. 

 

“N-No wait-”

 

“I'll be, ah… in the kitchen…” Yuuri choked on a panicked sob, near hysterical. He got up into shaking legs and tied his robe, rushing to his room to pull large sweats on and practically sprinting to the kitchen, nearly sobbing when he saw Victor. 

 

The alpha was at the table, a frown on his face, head in his hand. He was staring at the wall, lip twisted in a half snarl. 

 

“V-Victor…?” Yuuri asked softly, almost silently. He stood at the entrance of the room, hands curled close to his chest. Tears spilled down his cheeks, the poor omega unable to stop them no matter how hard he tried. “V-Victor, I-”

 

“Come sit, Yuuri.” Victor spoke gently, finally shifting his eyes to look at him. Yuuri nodded quickly and eased himself into a chair, gripping onto his thighs tightly. “Why didn't you tell me you weren't on birth control? I would have worn a condom if I'd known.”

 

Yuuri hiccuped, more tears soaking his face. “I d-didn't think a-about it…” He choked, scrubbing at his eyes. “I'm s-sorry, I'm so s-sorry, I-I'm sorry-” Yuuri clamped his mouth shut when Victor raised his hand up, slapping a hand over his mouth to silence himself. He could barely breathe, but like hell he was going to speak if his alpha didn't want him to. 

 

“I'm… going to need time to process this…” Victor spoke carefully, meeting Yuuri's leaking eyes. “I'm going to go out, alright? I may even spend the night with someone.” 

 

Yuuri's eyes widened in horror. Victor was angry. He was so, so angry. He'd  _ rejected  _ Yuuri, rejected their  _ baby _ . He was leaving him, for real, probably, and Yuuri was going to be alone with a pup. Victor was going out to get space, to get away from him, and he was probably going to find a beautiful omega to sleep with, to make love to, while Yuuri was here, curled up in his bed and sobbing until he passed out. Victor was going to stay with someone else, was going to ask Yuuri to leave, he knew. 

 

Yuuri wanted to scream, to cry, to beg Victor to stay, to please, please stay, he'd do  _ anything,  _ really, but he didn't. As much as he wanted to wail, the pain of rejection stabbing his gut, his chest, he kept his mouth shut, nodding understandingly at the alpha. 

 

“Y-Yes alpha…” He whispered behind his hand, voice barely, barely even audible to his own ears. 

 

“I'll be back tomorrow, I promise…” Victor reached across the table and Yuuri flinched, shrinking away. Victor was going to hit him, he was going to hit him, he was going to hit him, oh god, Victor was going to hit him-

 

“Yuuri, Yuuri…” Victor's eyes were sad, and Yuuri  _ hated  _ himself. The one time he was able to make a baby, to keep it alive, he kept it to himself and now his alpha was  _ leaving  _ him. “I'm just going to talk to someone, maybe have a drink. I'll probably go and see Chris-”

 

Yuuri absolutely broke down. A sick, violent wail let his body, the sound of an abandoned omega. He curled around himself, holding his belly, covering his mouth. He coughed bile into his hand, sobbing and heaving. He couldn't breathe, panic making his chest tight, unable to move. He sobbed, screamed apologies, begged Victor not to do it, please, he'd be good, he would be good he  _ promised _ . He wasn't even sure which language he was speaking, probably some distorted mixture of English and Japanese, but he couldn't  _ stop.  _

 

The only thing running through his head was that Victor, the only person he'd ever loved, the only alpha to ever show any sort of affection towards him, was leaving him, was going to another omega in search of comfort. He was angry at Yuuri, so angry that he was  _ leaving.  _ It was all his fault, he was stupid and useless and  _ god,  _ why couldn't he just do anything  _ right? _

 

Why couldn't he just be a good omega? Why didn't he use birth control? Why did he let every alpha who asked fuck him, touch him? Why wasn't he pretty? Why was he so disgusting? Why didn't he smell good, why didn't he purr nicely? Why couldn't he make a nest? Why couldn't he keep a baby alive? Why did his alpha  _ hate  _ him so much that he wanted to  _ leave?  _ Why, why, why, why,  _ why? _

 

Yuuri could feel cold fingers against his face, but he couldn't see them, couldn't  _ really  _ feel them, could only acknowledge that they were there. He sobbed, sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until tears stopped falling, until he physically  _ couldn't  _ anymore. He was dazed and delirious, dehydrated and exhausted. 

 

He slumped forward, breathing back to normal, knife twisted deeply in his chest. He didn't have the energy anymore. If Victor left, Yuuri would buy a plane ticket, he would fly back home and  _ beg  _ Kazuhiro to take him back. He would give his only baby up for adoption, would keep his mouth shut about it being Victor's. He would let his alpha do  _ whatever  _ he wanted to him- beat him, rape him, let others use him. He'd simply given up. There was no use in fighting it anymore- he clearly deserved it if  _ two  _ alphas, both completely different, had left him, had stopped loving him. 

 

“Yuuri? Yuuri, baby,  _ detka,  _ please open your eyes. Please, sweetheart, come on, come back to me.” Victor’s voice was panicked, but Yuuri couldn't see him, couldn't get his body to react. Hands gently patted his cheeks, shook him. Lips kissed at his face, but still he didn't move. 

 

He was dropping, but he couldn't do anything. He couldn't make it stop, couldn't do anything but  _ wait _ . He'd had them before, plenty of times, he was used to it. He knew he needed to just let it happen, he would come back to himself soon enough. 

 

A sharp pain ripped itself through his lower abdomen, around his back, Yuuri choking out a gasp. He jerked in his chair, felt hands against his belly, heard words but didn't really process them. He whined, still deep inside of his own mind. He knew what was happening. 

 

He was losing his baby. 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri woke to bright lights he could see from behind his eyelids and sterile smells that reminded him of the color white. 

 

This place didn't smell like home, and it certainly didn't look like it. 

 

He moaned weakly, throat aching, and cracked his eyes open. They were swollen, nearly caked shut. It took a few seconds for his body to register that he'd awoken, and only a bit longer for him to realize he was in a  _ hospital.  _

 

He couldn't, for the life of him, remember why, though. Everything was blurry, and when he tried to think his head hurt. He remembered fear, panic, pain-

 

Yuuri jerked forward with a heaving gasp, hands flying to his stomach. He felt the extended swell and nearly sobbed, the tightness still there, the bump firm. He flopped back against the bed, hands never moving, and blinked, moving his gaze weakly around the room. He couldn't make out much, just shapes and colors, but that was really it. He was blind as a bat without his glasses. 

 

He groaned softly, pulling his left leg closer to his belly as he shifted up in the bed. He was cold, and his neck hurt, but things were coming back, slowly. He reached to the bedside table weakly, swiped at his glasses. It took a few tries before he had them but he finally slipped them onto his nose, pushed them up and blinked until his eyesight returned. 

 

He was alone, the events of- when was it? Last night? A week ago? He had no idea- returning to him slowly. He'd dropped, after Victor told him he was going to spend the night with Christophe. He'd broken down, screamed and sobbed until everything around him just  _ stopped _ . He'd felt a sharp pain in his belly, and then everything went dark. 

 

“Yuuri…? Yuuri!” 

 

Yuuri was practically attacked by Victor, the alpha cupping his face gently in his large hands. He blinked, reacting slowly due to the drop and medication. He whimpered and tried to tug away, a croaked ‘I’m sorry’ slipping from his chapped lips. 

 

“Yuuri, my love, darling, are you okay? How are you feeling? Are you thirsty? Hungry?” Victor's blue eyes shined, red-rimmed, with worry. 

 

Yuuri nodded, dropping his gaze. “I-I'm just fine, alpha…” He whispered, slumping his shoulders. He submitted completely, opening himself up. “I don't n-need anything… I-I… I a-apologize for worrying you…” He kept his eyes on his belly, on his fingers linked beneath it. 

 

“Yuuri… ah, love, is the baby okay? They said he's healthy, but since you dropped they wanted to keep you here until you woke up-”

 

“H-He…?” Yuuri flicked his gaze up. 

 

“Oh… I'm sorry, I didn't… Yes, we’re having a boy…” Victor nodded. 

 

The backs of Yuuri's eyes got hot, his vision blurring with tears. He was having a boy. He was having a baby boy, he was carrying their  _ son _ . His fingers twitched against his belly. 

 

“Yuuri, my sweet… I'm so, so sorry, I… I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did, I-” Victor took a deep breath. “It was the absolute wrong way to treat the situation, but I was just so stunned…”

 

“I-I'm sorry, I s-should have t-told you a-about the b-birth control-”

 

“No, no,  _ detka _ . Hey, shh. A baby is a good thing, believe me.” He stroked Yuuri's cheeks, brushing away his tears with his thumbs. “I wasn't expecting it, especially not the way I found out,” he chuckled. “But I am  _ not,  _ in any way, upset with you. I didn't plan on having children this early, but there isn't anything we can do about that now.” He leaned forward and nudged their noses, Yuuri weakly returning the gesture. “I love you, Yuuri. And I love our baby.” He placed his hands on Yuuri's bump, stroking gently. “I love our little boy, and I'm so,  _ so  _ proud of you.”

 

Yuuri hiccuped and nodded, placing his hands over Victor's. The alpha laced their fingers together, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. 

 

“I love you so, so, so much, my Yuuri. So very much.” He whispered. Yuuri sniffled and nodded, grinning weakly. 

 

They were having a baby. 

 

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up super sad because i had a bad day yesterday and i apologize


	10. Different Kinds of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuuri giggled. “We’ve found a few that we like, Plisetsky-kun, but we haven't quite decided on one yet. Don't worry, we’ll find one. He won't come out nameless.” He smiled brightly at the teen, ignoring his surly attitude and sour scent. 
> 
> Yuri visibly relaxed in his seat, huffing louder in an attempt to show that he didn't, in fact, care. 
> 
> But they all knew he did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeeee  
> *prayer hands emoji*

Yuuri tilted his chin, baring his neck, little gasps and whimpers spilling from his lips. Victor mouthed at his pulse point, at his scent glands, kissed and sucked his collarbones. 

 

Yuuri’s little sounds got louder, deeper, as Victor cupped one of his breasts, grinding against his inner thigh. They were both still dressed, Victor in jeans and a rumpled dress shirt, Yuuri in a long dress. His belly prevented him from lying down, and Victor had to hunch over slightly to please him. 

 

“M-Mm… Ah, V-Victor…” Yuuri hiccuped wetly, pressing into Victor's hand. 

 

“I'm right here, baby.” Victor murmured, voice quiet, hot breaths fanning over Yuuri's neck between kisses, between words. “Do you want me to take it off?” Yuuri nodded, biting back a whine when Victor pulled away to undo the first few buttons of his dress, tugging it down just below his breasts and unsnapping his bra. 

 

His tits hung low and heavy, dark nipples perked from the gentle pressure. Victor cupped the same breast again, the fatty flesh overflowing in his hand, spilling between his fingers, and brushed his thumb over Yuuri's nipple, pressing into his areola afterwards. Yuuri moaned, the sound turning to a hiccup. He canted his hips forward, grinding against Victor’s thigh, searching for friction. Victor continued to rub his thumb in slow, deep circles against his breast, his other fingers pressing into spots that shot sparks through his belly. 

 

Yuuri’s nails dug into Victor’s arms, harsh pants leaving his plump, kiss-swollen lips, bruised red, his large eyes glazed. Moans and gasps, little sounds in the back of his throat, tumbled from his lips without control as Victor touched him, his body responding to the stimulation with copious amounts of slick. His belly swam, twisted, with his impending orgasm, his ruts against Victor’s thigh getting faster, his sounds getting higher and louder. 

 

Victor stopped groping long enough to wrap his mouth around one of Yuuri’s nipples, the omega giving a surprised near shout, hands flying to Victor’s hair. He whined, toes curling. 

 

“A-Ah, ah, V-Vic, g-gonna cum-” He blubbered, tugging Victor's hair. “P-Please-” Yuuri cried out as Victor pulled away, the alpha licking his lips. 

 

“Not yet, sweetheart.” He cooed, ruffling his hair back. He undid his belt buckle, the sound causing a large amount of slick to gush from Yuuri’s leaking cunt. He tugged his jeans and underwear down, stroking his cock a few times. He helped Yuuri sit up afterwards, pushed his dress up and stroked his thighs. “Can I take them off?” He fingered with Yuuri’s panties, the crotch damp and dark. 

 

Yuuri nodded quickly, raising his hips so Victor could slide his drenched panties down his legs and toss them to the side. His pussy was pink, swollen with arousal, dripping and drenched with precum and slick. 

 

“Are you comfortable,  _ luchik?  _ Or do you need to roll over? The books say it’s best, at this point in your pregnancy, if you're on your side or on top.” 

 

“I j-just want to s-see you…” He whispered, face red. 

 

“You will, baby.” He pressed his thumb against Yuuri’s hole, running the digit through the sticky cum and slick. Yuuri's back arched, rolling his hips against the finger. 

 

“P-Please-”

 

“Roll onto your side,  _ zvezda moya.” _ Yuuri whimpered and shifted, slowly turning onto left side, Victor moving to rest in front of him. “Is this okay?”

 

“Y-Yeah…” Yuuri took a deep breath as Victor lifted his chunky thigh. 

 

“Can you hold your leg up for me?” The omega nodded, cupping the underside of his thigh with a shaking hand and hiking it up, baring his pretty pink cunt. Victor pressed two fingers against it, stroking up and wetting his fingers, rubbing in circles against his erect clit. Yuuri whimpered, bucking forward, nails digging into the plush, stretch-marked skin of his inner thigh. 

 

Victor flicked and pinched his clit, rolling the bud between his fingers. Yuuri gasped and panted, breathless moans loud, his legs shaking. Tears leaked from his dark eyes, pupils blown wide. 

 

“A-Alpha, Victor, p-please, please…” He nearly sobbed, chasing his orgasm with quick thrusts and bucks of his hips. He arched, moaning, as Victor sunk two fingers into his pussy, offering no resistance. He curled and pumped the fingers, gentle and careful, whispering sweet words to the pregnant man. He added a third and fourth finger, scissoring and twisting until he could move them so easily, until Yuuri was so wet, that the digits just slipped out. 

 

“Are you ready,  _ detka?” _ Yuuri nodded quickly, breathing coming heavy. He stared at Victor's cock, red and hard and leaking against the sheets, as Victor took it in his hands, squeezing his knot before pressing the swollen head against Yuuri’s trembling cunt, pressing forward and teasing his hole so it clenched around nothing. 

 

“Please, please,” he whimpered, grinding down. “Please, alpha, please, I need it-” He broke off to a high, thick moan as Victor slid into him, the alpha placing his hand over Yuuri's on his thigh. He was propped on his elbow, rocking his hips forward, rolling their connected hips together. Yuuri held his belly, his other arm wrapped around Victor's shoulders.

 

“Is it okay to move now, my Yuuri?” Victor nudged their noses, their flushed cheeks, Yuuri's damp and soft and pudgy. He kissed the side of the omega’s face after his nod, nipped at his earlobe. He pulled out halfway and pressed back inside, easily gaining a slow, gentle rhythm. 

 

“O-Oh, oh, a-ah…” Yuuri gasped, nails digging into Victor's back. His tits bounced, large and heavy against his chest. “F-Fuahh… ah, mm, mm…” Tears leaked, spilled down his cheeks, hiccups and moans and pleasured sobs leaving his flushed, shaking body loudly. 

 

“I'm getting close, baby.” Victor murmured, pressing their damp foreheads together. “Do you want me to pull out-”

 

“No! No, no! P-Please, please-”

 

“Shh, shh.” The alpha rolled his hips, peppering Yuuri's face with kisses. “I won't pull out if you don't want me to, relax.” He soothed. His knot caught within a minute, Victor rocking his hips to help it swell inside his sobbing boyfriend, stilling as he came. 

 

Yuuri dug his nails into Victor's back, between his shoulderblades, sobbing heavily and rocking his hips. He moaned, pussy tightening when Victor let his leg drop. The alpha stroked his clit in circles, quick flicks and pinches, rocking him through his sudden, hard orgasm. 

 

He sobbed, burying his face in Victor's neck, moaning and blubbering. Victor cooed at him, soothing him, hand going to cup his large belly. 

 

“I've got you, shh. You're so good, I'm so proud of you. I love you, Yuuri.” He stroked his bump, nuzzling the side of Yuuri's face. 

 

“L-Love you, love you.” Yuuri hiccuped, whimpering. His stared at Victor's hand, covering it with his own and lacing their fingers together. 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri huffed, tugging on the pink ribbons on the back of his dress, trying to tie them. They didn't reach all the way around. 

 

“Dammit…” He whispered, brows furrowed. “If I have to change my dress against I'm going to throw myself out the window.” He glared down at his belly, big and prominent at nearly thirty weeks. “We have a big dinner tonight and you are  _ not  _ doing this to me.” He grunted out in irritation, raising his arms to tie the ribbon around his back, where is diaphragm would be. The tightness expanded his breasts, brought them up. 

 

Yuuri turned to examine himself in the mirror, a content smile lighting up his features. He felt pretty, beautiful, attractive, even though he was huge and chubby and pregnant. His chest had filled out nicely, and he'd already gone up a cup size since Victor found out about the baby. The alpha couldn't ever manage to keep his hands to himself, it seemed, which Yuuri loved. 

 

He placed a hand on his back, the other beneath his extended tummy. “You're killing me.” He mumbled, stroking over his bump. “Now, can you be good while I get my nice shoes on, or are you going to cause me problems?” The baby kicked his hand, and Yuuri smiled, waddling from the room. He'd put makeup on already, so he didn't have to do that still, thankfully. He moved slowly to the den, easing himself onto the couch, still barefoot, to wait for Victor. 

 

“Yuuri!”

 

The omega tilted his head back just in time for a kiss, his cheeks pinking in surprise. He giggled. 

 

“Hi, Victor.” He smiled sweetly, licked his plump lips, hands laced underneath his belly. 

 

“Hello my love.” The alpha smiled warmly, leaning over the back edge of the couch. He rested his chin on his knuckles, blue eyes swimming with love. “How are you this fine evening?”

 

“Good.” Yuuri giggled, cheeks pinking further. 

 

“And how is our darling baby boy doing?”

 

“He's good. I had to change my outfit four times though. He’s made me so big I couldn’t even fit into my new blue dress!” He pouted, brows furrowing. Victor laughed softly, pressed a kiss to Yuuri's pudgy cheek.

 

“That's good though, isn't it? It means our pup is growing.” He smiled. “Plus, it means I get to buy you more clothes and help you try them on.” He purred, nipping his cheek. Yuuri giggled harder, lightly swatting at him.  

 

“So mean! You're trying to fatten me up so you can see me naked!”

 

Victor gasped. “I would never!” He pressed a bunch of kisses to Yuuri's face and neck, blowing a raspberry or two, laughing at Yuuri's squeals and giggles. 

 

“Stop it, I'm gonna pee!” Yuuri smacked and pushed at him, flushed and sweaty. Victor chuckled and pulled away. 

 

“I'm sorry,  _ luchik _ . Do you need help with your shoes?”

 

“Yes please.” Yuuri wiggled his toes, panting lightly, and smiled warmly at his lover. Victor nodded and crouched in front of him, taking the shoes from beside Yuuri on the couch. He lifted the omega’s feet and slipped his sandals on, buckled them comfortably. 

 

He cupped Yuuri's belly afterwards, stroking the swell with his thumbs. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss just above Yuuri's belly button, a low croon in vibrating through his chest. 

 

“You look  _ beautiful,  _ Yuuri. Positively stunning.” He nuzzled Yuuri's belly, rubbed his face over his white and pink sundress, yellows and oranges swimming and swirling over his abdomen. 

 

“O-Oh…” Yuuri whispered, face red, and laced their fingers together over his bump. “Thank you…”

 

Victor looked up at him with a smile, face warm and expression open. “I love you so, so much, Yuuri.” He murmured. “I love you and our baby with my whole entire heart. You know?”

 

“Yeah,” Yuuri murmured back. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri eased himself down into his chair, hissing softly. The wood was uncomfortable against his back and didn’t give him much room to find a good position, which was inconvenient. He scooted forward as much as he could with his big belly, smoothed his dress out and relaxing the best he could back against his seat. 

 

Yuri was seated across from him, dressed in a light blue and white pinstriped shirt, white shorts and brown loafers, a bow tie, green and pink, around his neck. He looked, honestly, like he'd just gotten back from a country club, just finished sailing on his yacht. It was funny, made Yuuri giggle softly to himself. 

 

“Hello, Plisetsky-kun.” Yuuri beamed at the teen, lacing his fingers together beneath the curve of his belly. 

 

“Hey.” Yuri grunted, not once looking up from his phone. Yuuri just simply smiled brighter, opening his mouth to speak again, not at all bothered by the fact that the blonde was only half paying attention to him, but was interrupted.

 

“Oh my god you're  _ pregnant!” _ Yuuri jolted in surprise, dark eyes flicking over to Mila. The alpha teen was practically across the table, mouth open and eyes wide, sparkling blue and bright. 

 

“O-Oh, um, y-yes. I am.” He nodded, cheeks pinking. He shifted in his seat anxiously, scooting a few centimeters away from the loud girl and the stares of the rest of the table. 

 

“That's amazing! How far along are you, you're huge!” 

 

Yuuri flushed darker, a shy little smile lighting up his face. “Th-Thank you. I'm twenty-nine weeks tomorrow.” He said softly, stroking over his belly with his thumb, expression fond as he gazed at the bump. Victor smiled beside him, love and pride and adoration on his face. 

 

Mila’s cherry red curls bounced as she plopped back into her seat. “That's  _ wonderful!” _ She grinned. “Do you know the gender yet?”

 

“I-It’s a boy…” Yuuri murmured, still entranced with his belly, staring like he couldn't believe it either. 

 

A round of congratulations and cheers went around the table, Yuuri becoming redder, Victor's smile getting larger, more proud, more loving. 

 

“Have you thought of any names yet?” 

 

Victor shook his head at Georgi, taking one of Yuuri's hands in his own and squeezing. Yuuri smiled sweetly at him. “Not yet. Nothing has really caught our interest. But that's okay.” He offered Yuuri a warm smile, the omega visibly melting in his seat. “We have time.”

 

“Like hell you do.” Yuri snorted, placing his phone on the table. “You're seven months pregnant, dumbass. Pick a fuckin’ name-”

 

“Language, Yuratchka.” Lilia snapped, the blonde’s lips smacking shut, cheeks puffed in a pout. “We’re in public, be courteous to those around you.” Yuri huffed, nodding, and picked up his phone, turning back to his game and grumbling to himself in quiet Russian. The alpha woman beside him rolled her eyes. 

 

Yuuri giggled. “We’ve found a few that we like, Plisetsky-kun, but we haven't quite decided on one yet. Don't worry, we’ll find one. He won't come out nameless.” He smiled brightly at the teen, ignoring his surly attitude and sour scent. 

 

Yuri visibly relaxed in his seat, huffing louder in an attempt to show that he didn't, in fact, care. 

 

But they all knew he did. 

 

“I can't believe you're going to be a parent, Victor.” Yakov grunted, just to the right side of Victor. “I feel bad for the child.”

 

“Awe! Thank you, Yasha!” Victor cooed sarcastically, returning the diminutive. Lilia snorted from across the table. “I'm so happy with your faith in me!” He placed a hand over his heart, smiling sickeningly-sweetly at the older alpha. Yakov rolled his eyes.

 

“Don’t call me that, first of all...” 

 

Yakov and Victor continued to half-playfully argue with each other, Georgi and Mila and Lilia poking fun at both alphas almost equally. They were all laughing, growling possessively and releasing tiny bursts of their scents in an odd, alpha form of bonding.

 

\-------------------

 

“Oof!” Yuuri gasped softly to himself, hand flying to the side of his belly, He bit down hard on his lower lip, tuning out the conversations beside him. “O-Oh…” He curled his fingers, just barely not making a fist, nails digging into the spot. He hissed, shifting in his chair. “Oh please…” He whispered to his bump, sweat beading on his hairline. “Not right now, this chair isn’t comfortable and I can’t walk around here…” 

 

“Hey.”

 

Yuuri looked up, breathing heavy, catching the eyes of Yuri across from him. The teen was frowning, concern visible on his face. 

 

“Are you okay?” The teen grunted. Yuuri nodded, practically seething through his teeth.

 

“M-Mm… Mhm, it’s, ah, j-just false c-contractions.” He mumbled, biting back a low whine, curling over his bump. “H-He has the h-hiccups too, I-I think, s-so…” 

 

Yuri rose from his chair silently, tucking his phone into his pocket. He walked over to the older omega and took his hands, ignoring his protests and questions, and pulled him up, frowning deeply. 

 

“It helps to walk, right? You can walk in here, nobody gives a damn.” He squeezed Yuuri’s shaking hands. “Come on, I’ll go with you because Victor is clearly fucking incompetent.” He shot a glare over to the slightly buzzed alpha, giggling and chattering, his accent a little thicker than normal. “You want to walk outside? Around the bathroom?” 

 

“A-Anywhere is f-fine…” Yuuri moaned softly in pain, freezing in place. “Hhnngg.. Mm… Oh…” 

 

“Hey, breathe, come on.” Yuri growled, panicked, a harsh scowl on his pale face. He turned his head and snapped something in Russian to the group of adults still at the table, ignorant of what was happening. A hand was on Yuuri’s back in seconds, Victor’s hand replacing one of Yuri’s. The omega squeezed tightly, hissing through his teeth. 

 

_ “K-Kuso…”  _ He moaned, clutching near his hip. Contractions were supposed to get worse the closer he got to giving birth, to the end of his pregnancy, he knew that, but  _ oh,  _ he didn’t really think it was supposed to be like this at twenty-nine weeks. 

 

But maybe it was, he’d never gotten this far in a pregnancy before.

 

“Yuuri,  _ detka?”  _ Victor nosed into his hair, pressing his thumb into Yuuri’s back. The omega hissed, shoulders slumping slightly at the pressure.

 

“K-Keep doing th-that…” He groaned, squeezing Victor’s hand again, digging his nails into his palm. The alpha didn’t seem to mind, though, just continued to whisper soft words of encouragement, continued to massage his tight lower back. 

 

He took deep, steadying breaths, slowly relaxing as the cramps subsided, the pup’s hiccups ceasing soon after. “Oh…” He sighed out, rising slowly. “It’s… They stopped… Sorry…” His cheeks heated with embarrassment. What kind of  _ ass  _ interrupted dinner like this?

 

“Don't be sorry, my Yuuri.” Victor smiled warmly, kissing the side of his head, pressing more smooches down the side of his face afterwards. “No one is upset with you, we all understand.” Yuuri nodded. “Let’s get you back to your seat so we can finish dinner.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well  
> it wasnt terrible i guess lol  
> im gonna try and be more personal? with later chapters, like, stay in closer timelines and focus more on emotions and the joys of pregnancy and stuff? idk lol  
> but i'm officially on summer break, so i have a lot of time. expect a lot of chapters, lol  
> <3


	11. Katsudon and Sukiyaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuuri’s omega, the part of him that screamed and clawed at the back of his mind, that made his stomach churn, was convincing him, had convinced him, really, that Victor had left, that he was a bad omega, that it was his fault he'd been abandoned. 
> 
> He sobbed, choking on the noise in an effort to be quiet, lest he wake Yuri. The little pup had been keeping him company lately, which certainly made him less lonely, but Yuri couldn't make up for Victor's absence, no matter how hard he tried."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to begin this chapter by explaining the anatomy of this fic, as it’s different from my Garden-verse and is a little more complicated. A lot of people are confused and have asked about it, and I thought it would be better to explain it all at once, rather than multiple times to a bunch of people.   
>  Omegas, in this universe, are born with vaginas, regardless of primary gender and sex(male/female). Secondary gender is more like sex, with variation. Male omegas are determined as such at birth. This is not my universe, so I don't know /exactly/ how it works, but I assume a blood test is done to determine whether or not that omega will end up male or female. But, like I said, it’s a universe I wanted to try out so I don’t really know how that part of it works.  
>  I’ve yet to decide what I’m going to do with betas, in regards to ability to carry children, but it’s likely I’ll make it that male betas /cannot/ carry, but females can. But that’s still undecided.   
>  Male alphas cannot carry, of course, as it is in every omegaverse fic I’ve ever read, but females can, I Iike to think, because they still have vaginas and uteruses.   
>  I have a few questions for you guys too, if you don’t mind. A few little surveys that will probably be determined based on popular vote.   
>  1.) What secondary gender(omega/beta/alpha) should Georgi be?  
>  2\. )If I happen to include Sara Crispino in this, as a love interest for Mila, what should /her/ secondary gender be?  
>  3.) Lastly, should I use Chris/Mystery Man, or Chris/Phichit? 
> 
> And again, thanks to everyone’s continued support for this story, as well as my others. I enjoy writing, and positive feedback drives me to continue.   
> I hope this cleared everything up, but if it didn’t, feel free to ask more questions. I’m happy to answer.   
> :)  
> Love you guys <3

Yuuri  _ ached  _ for a bite. 

 

He wanted to be mated and marked and dammit, he wanted to be  _ bitten.  _

 

He was carrying Victor's baby, so why the hell hadn't the alpha  _ bitten  _ him yet?

 

Every time he thought about it, about being mateless, unmarked, unbonded, un _ claimed _ , it made his stomach hurt, made his chest tighten. He felt unwanted, unloved,  _ abandoned _ , felt it low in his gut, felt it gnawing at the back of his mind. 

 

He remembered it each time he stroked his belly, each time he woke in Victor’s arms, each time the alpha left to film, each time he came home. 

 

He thought about it when they made love, because when they did, Victor didn’t  _ bite  _ him as he came, as he knotted. He didn’t do the one thing that would truly bond them together, that would mate them, and it hurt. 

 

But maybe Victor didn’t  _ want  _ to bond him? Just because Victor was a nice man didn’t mean Yuuri wasn’t supposed to originally just be a fling that went wrong. What if Victor felt an  _ obligation  _ to him because of the baby? Because Yuuri was too stupid to not use suppressants or birth control, because he was too stupid not to ask Victor to wear a condom. 

 

Yuuri watched his boyfriend- was that really what they were? Or was Victor just his baby daddy to get free sex? Because he felt bad for him?- dress for the day, curled under the covers. He stroked the swell of his belly, breathing quietly through his nose. Their son,  _ theirs _ , tapped his palm lethargically, most likely having just woken up as well. He tapped back against the spot, taking a deep, shaky breath. 

 

Victor turned around suddenly, frowning as he worked his tie. “Yuuri? What’s wrong, daring? You should be sleeping.” The alpha murmured, making his way to the bed and sitting beside Yuuri’s belly, brushing his knuckles over Yuuri’s round cheeks.

 

“Sorry.” He whispered, eyelids fluttering and drooping as he leaned into the careful touch. “I'm not sleeping well…”

 

“Nightmares?” 

 

Yuuri shook his head. “No. The baby is keeping me awake most of the night…” 

 

“You should rest now, then, Yuuri. You don't need to be up when I get up.” Victor smiled warmly, the glow of the early morning sun lighting the room. 

 

“But…”

 

“I'll always come and kiss you goodbye before I leave.” He murmured, leaning forward and pressing their foreheads together. Yuuri hummed softly, almost a purr, and nudged their noses. 

 

When Victor treated him like this, he could almost forget his sadness, lingering in the back of his mind, a sour taste when he swallowed his food. 

 

“Okay.” He whispered, relaxing back into the pillows. He was exhausted, so, so tired, his anxiety and worries keeping him up long after the baby finally settled down in the early hours of the morning. Yuuri had bitten all of his nails down to the edge of the nail plate, just barely above where it would hurt. He'd bitten the skin around his fingernails until he’d bled, and then took to scratching at the backs of his hands. 

 

Purple bags made Yuuri's eyes look sunken. He truly looked and felt like death, and he  _ hated  _ how he was making Victor to worried, so concerned. 

 

But it wasn't like he could  _ tell  _ Victor what was on his mind. If the reason alpha hadn't bitten him was because he felt obligated to care for Yuuri, he certainly wouldn't tell him the truth about that. If Yuuri asked if Victor loved him, really, and loved their baby, he would say yes. But that didn't mean he actually felt that way. 

 

Yuuri closed his eyes and pressed his face into the pillow as Victor finished getting ready. The bed smelled like his alpha, his scent swirling with the salt of sweat and the stale scent of sex from the night before. He took a deep breath, inhaled the scent of the alpha he wanted, the mate he wanted, and let himself fall into a restless sleep for a bit longer. 

 

He didn't rouse when Victor pressed a gentle kiss to his head before he left, curly bangs brushed back, away from his face. He didn't rouse for the murmured ‘I love you’ and the careful stroke over his belly either.  

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri hummed softly to himself, carefully chopping onions for dinner. When he was finished he scooped the mangled vegetable into the pot, already filled with other foods. Katsudon was one of his favorite things to make, as well as his favorite thing to eat, and he was happy to introduce it to Yuri. The young omega had been keeping him company lately, making sure his mind didn't stray to darker thoughts. 

 

The teen was hunched over the kitchen table, typing away at his phone. Every few minutes he would giggle softly at something, and Yuuri would turn just slightly to try and catch the expression he made. The blonde was cute when he laughed. 

 

Yuuri knew he was texting the Kazakh boy from set, the tech boy who handled music and brought coffee, the teen having confessed to him that the young beta had asked him out, and the two were now dating. Yuuri was  _ ecstatic  _ for Yuri. Otabek made him brighter, happier, and that made him perfect in Yuuri’s book. 

 

“Plisetsky-kun-”

 

“Yuri.”

 

“Will you help me get some bowls down? The ones I need are on the top shelf.” 

 

“You're taller than I am.” The teen narrowed his eyes, pressing the power button on his phone and standing regardless. 

 

“But I can't get to them.” Yuuri cupped his belly. “You can climb on the counter or use a chair, but I can't. Please?” 

 

Yuri huffed and rolled his eyes, climbing to his knees on top of the marble counter, easily grabbing the large black bowls from the top shelf. He climbed back down, holding the four bowls out, an irritated expression furrowing his brows. 

 

“Thank you, Plisetsky-kun.” Yuuri smiled warmly, taking the bowls. He only needed two, for now, but that didn't matter. 

 

“It's Yuri.” He grunted, brushing his hands on his ripped jeans. “And it's no problem. Is Victor going to be here for dinner?” Yuri crossed his arms cocking his hip, trademark scowl on his pale face. 

 

“Oh, I'm not sure…” Yuuri fiddled with the third bowl. “He’s been on a trip for… oh, about three days now, I think…” 

 

Yuri’s shoulders slumped, arms beginning to uncross. His scowl melted into a concerned frown. “He… Do you want me to say something? He really shouldn't be leaving you alone for that long this late in your pregnancy-”

 

“No!” Yuuri yelped, sitting the extra dish to the side. “No, no, please don't do that!” He bit down on his lip, lifting the ladle and spooning large portions of rice into the bowls adding the egg and meat scooping the curry-like mixture of vegetables on top, turning the rice a yellow-orange color. “I'm just being needy. I'm making it sound like he's totally cut contact or something. He’s called me every day, I promise.” He held the steaming bowl out. “Here. I made katsudon.”

 

“What the fuck is ‘katsudon’?” Yuri’s face crinkled, nose twitching as he inhaled the aroma of the dish.

 

“It's strips of pork cutlet, egg, and vegetables over rice.” He hummed, lifting his own bowl. He smiled, moving slowly to the table and easing down into a chair. “It's my favorite food. But if you don't like it I'm happy to make you something else.” Yuuri lifted his chopsticks and began to eat, biting back a groan. 

 

He hadn't eaten this in years, and it wasn’t nearly as good as his mother’s, but  _ god  _ how he’d missed this. 

 

His pup seemed to agree, if the little taps below his ribs were anything to go by. He smiled, stroking the curve of his belly with his thumb, just below his belly button, biting into a piece of pork cutlet. 

 

Barely suppressing a moan, Yuuri looked up from his bowl to find Yuri scarfing his own meal down, and he barely avoided a bowl to his nose as Yuri suddenly held the dish out, eyes wide and cheeks full. 

 

“More please!” The words came out sounding more like ‘mowf pweafsh’, as Yuri’s face was beyond stuffed, yellowish rice dotted around his lips and chin. Yuuri blinked, eyes slightly crossed, face lighting up into a smile. 

 

“I'm glad you like it!” He beamed, rising slowly and taking the younger omega’s empty bowl. He waddled back to the counter and ladled another few spoons of food into the dark dish, passing the excited teen his second portion of dinner before resuming his own. 

 

“It's amazing!” The blonde slurred around bites, making all kinds of noise as he ate. Yuuri giggled, cheeks pinking. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri propped his feet up on the coffee table with a heavy sigh, sinking into the couch cushions. He held his belly, his son tapping at his palm, light cramps rolling through his lower back. 

 

It was late, the only light in the room being the television whirring quietly at the other side of the room. 

 

Vaguely, Yuuri could hear Yuri snoozing in the guest room, if he listened hard enough beyond the hum of the tv. 

 

He took a deep, shaky breath, feeling tears stinging behind his eyes. Victor's scent was almost completely faded from their bed, and it made Yuuri sick to try and sleep there, without the scent of the father of his child, of his desired mate. It was hard, without the alpha here, to remind himself that he wasn't alone. He felt abandoned, felt ill and broken and  _ deserving  _ of the feelings. 

 

Yuuri hiccuped, pressing the feel of his palm into his eye, trying to stop the leaking of tears. His face was hot, the back of his throat burning with the need to cry, to sob. His other hand trembled against his belly. 

 

He wanted his alpha, wanted Victor. He wanted him here, cuddling him, kissing him, making love to him. He wanted Victor here, at his feet, pressing kisses to his belly and whispering soft words into the bump, speaking lovingly to their child. 

 

But Victor  _ wasn't _ here. 

 

Victor was on  _ vacation _ , without him, somewhere far off that Yuuri didn't know of.  _ It's a secret _ , the alpha had said, in reference to the location, holding a finger to hs grinning lips. He'd been gone almost a week, and while he called every day, texted constantly, it didn't exactly make Yuuri feel any less… unwanted. 

 

Yuuri’s omega, the part of him that screamed and clawed at the back of his mind, that made his stomach churn, was convincing him, had convinced him, really, that Victor had  _ left _ , that he was a bad omega, that it was his  _ fault  _ he'd been abandoned. 

 

He sobbed, choking on the noise in an effort to be quiet, lest he wake Yuri. The little pup had been keeping him company lately, which certainly made him  _ less  _ lonely, but Yuri couldn't make up for Victor's absence, no matter how hard he tried. 

 

Yuuri didn't know when his alpha was going to return, didn't know how much longer his scent would last in the bedroom, in the den, in the kitchen, in Yuuri's  _ nest _ . 

 

He just wanted to feel safe and loved, wanted to smell his alpha’s gorgeous scent, wanted to be bathed in the scent of nelumbo lotus, chocolate, and burning wood, wanted to feel swallowed up in the scent of syrniki and rose shampoo. He wanted all the little smells of Victor that made him unique and perfect to mingle with his own scents, wanted to smell tangerines and blueberries and vanilla, mochi and strawberries and cherry blossoms and freshly-bloomed ume, now sweet and full and apple-y with pregnancy, to intertwine and tangle with the scent of his alpha, wanted to smell the sweet, soothing cacophony of  _ them  _ that made his shoulders slump, made sleeping easier, made his belly tingle. 

 

Yuuri wanted his alpha.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri hissed, the vibrant yellow light shining through the window much brighter than it would have been in his bedroom. It was early, that much was apparent, the sun still low. He groaned and eased himself up onto his elbows and forearms, blinking blearily around the room.

 

Ah, that’s right. He fell asleep on the couch for the fourth night in a row.

 

He couldn’t handle sleeping in the bedroom anymore. 

 

Not without Victor.

 

He reached blindly for his glasses, pressing them over his nose before grabbing pillows from the end of the couch. He shoved them behind himself, fluffed them to help him sit more comfortably. He sighed, holding the back of the couch tightly as he leaned over to swipe his phone from the coffee table, scrubbing his face with one hand as he unlocked the phone, yawning largely. 

 

It was just before eight, and already he had two missed calls from Victor, the most recent one from about ten minutes ago. He swiped the button to call back, anxiety crawling up his throat and tickling the base of his spine. He brought the phone to his face, hands shaking, fang digging into his bottom lip. 

 

The speaker crackled to life, Victor’s voice, way to happy and awake for how early in the morning it was- how many cups of coffee had he had already?- greeting him. His heart fluttered.

 

_ “Yuuri! Oh my darling, I know it’s very early there but I wanted to let you know that I’m on my way home!”  _ He crooned.

 

Yuuri could  _ see _ the smile of the alpha’s face, the sparkle in his eyes. He could hear his joy, even through the shitty reception of the cell. He giggled, voice still thick from sleep, the anxiety completely disappearing at the sound of Victor. 

 

“Hi, Victor~!” He cooed, feeling his cheeks heat with a flush. 

 

_ “Good morning, baby. I’m getting on the third plane right now- ah, and the stewardess is glaring at me, so I need to go in a minute. I’m boarding in Edmonton, Alberta, right now, so I’ll be home in, oh… roughly six to eight hours?”  _

 

Yuuri nodded quickly before remembering that he was on the phone. “Y-Yes! Okay! I can’t wait to see you!” The grin stretched across his face was beginning to hurt, but he was just so  _ happy  _ that he just didn't  _ care.  _

 

_ “I can’t wait to see you either,  _ zvezda moya _ -” _ His voice got quiet for a moment, distant, slipping into irritated French as he spoke to the stewardess.  _ “Alright, sweetheart, I have to go now, we’re about to take off. I love you.” _

 

“I-I love you t-too!” Yuuri squeaked out. “B-Bye.”

 

_ “Bye bye, beautiful. See you soon.” _

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri fluttered around the kitchen excitedly, anxiously, working on the last bits of the sukiyaki he was preparing for Victor's return. He just had to add the shirataki noodles and tofu to the stew, as they took the least amount of time. 

 

He lifted the bowl of already-boiled and seasoned noodles, the gelatinous dough beginning to cool, slowly and carefully spooning them into the dark pot on the stove, scooping the uncooked tofu into his hands and dropping them into the stew afterwards, a few at a time, paying careful attention not to splash anything on himself. 

 

The omega placed the lid over the near-cooked stew once he’d stirred it a few times, turned the heat down so it would simply simmer and not burn. He smoothed out the skirt of his dress, fiddling with the ‘v’ of the top in a weak attempt to keep his tits from popping out. 

 

Not that it would really be  _ that  _ much of a problem if Victor jumped him in the front entryway, but still. For the sake of decency, he probably shouldn't strut around naked or anything like that. 

 

He puffed out a giddy little laugh, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, stuffed completely to the brim with nervous energy. Victor would be home soon, very soon, hopefully any minute. He’d texted Yuuri the second he’d gotten off the plane, and then again once he’d finally managed to snag a taxi. He’d told Yuuri about twenty minutes, which, with how reliable New York City’s taxis and traffic were, could mean up to an hour. 

 

Yuuri hoped the gods would grant him a break. 

 

He really needed his mate.

 

 __________________________

 

Yuuri nearly jolted out of his skin at the sound of the key, Victor’s key, in the lock of the front door. Makkachin was bolting passed him before he could even stand, claws clacking on the floor, his speed making him slide a little as he maneuvered the furniture. He barked, loudly, excitedly, tail moving so fast it was a blur.

 

Yuuri rose as quickly as he could, his belly weighing him down and fucking his natural balance over, waddle-running behind the voracious poodle, ripping the door open before Victor could even finish unlocking it. 

 

He met face to face with Victor, his  _ entire family  _ standing behind him. 

 

Yuuri’s mind went blank.

 

He hadn’t made enough food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Japan to America flights are fucking CRAZY, holy shit. They take, like, two days and consist of multiple stops. I worked it so it was Osaka to Anadyr, Russia- this flight is like six and a half hours-, then to Alberta, Canada-which takes the longest time, about a full day-, and finally to New York City, where this is set. Alberta to NYC takes, I believe, another six hours. Fucking exhausting, wow. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, on an unrelated note to this story, I’m thinking of doing a Howl’s Moving Castle AU, as well as a Princess Jellyfish AU! What do you guys think? Would you read them if I wrote them? I think they both fit with Victuuri, but it would take me time, and I’m wondering if it’s worth it to put the energy into it. Let me know!
> 
> Thanks again!! <3


	12. I Will Guide You Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuuri had stroked over his cheekbones, murmured an ‘I love you’ against his lips as they came together again, more tears, happy, dripping off his lashes. He'd missed his alpha, missed his touch and his voice, missed his eyes, his hair, his dimples and his forehead, missed the way his eyelids fluttered when he took shaky breaths around Yuuri, completely and utterly enamored with the omega."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit im back, wow  
> i had a lot of trouble with the last part of this chapter but i finally got inspiration earlier, thank god
> 
> The results of the poll are as follows:  
> Georgi will, despite the majority, be an omega  
> Sara will be a beta  
> However, the votes on Chris/Mystery Man and Chris/Phichit ended up in a tie, but I think I'll go with Chris/MM?? idk

Yuuri gaped. 

 

His eyes were wide, as wide as his family’s, the three people standing across from him just the way he remembered them. 

 

They all stood, frozen, silent, the only sound Makkachin’s clacking claws as he bounced, trying to get attention. No one moved, no one made a sound, afraid to disturb whatever the hell this was, whatever was happening, lest this all be false, unreal, some sort of dimensional dream, able to be broken at any time. 

 

Yuuri’s fingers twitched, a sound ripping its way from his throat, sudden and sharp. 

 

This wasn't a dream. 

 

He sobbed, hiked his dress up enough to move and fell into his mother’s arms, so soft and warm and  _ caring.  _

 

He  _ loved  _ his mama. 

 

Yuuri didn't realize how much he'd  _ missed  _ her, missed her hugs and her soft voice, missed her soft, flabby arms and gentle, comfortingly firm hold. He'd missed her pretty hair, the same color his sister’s had been before she’d colored it. He'd missed her soft eyes and round face, missed her gentle fingers and sweet smile and button nose. He'd missed the little bit of gray weaving itself into the roots of her hair. He'd even missed his mom’s kimono, the boysenberry one she had eight or nine of, but no one knew, no one could tell, unless they looked in her closet, that it wasn't the only one. He missed her scent, like cherries and vanilla and the ocean, like mangoes and mochi and motherhood. 

 

Katsuki Hiroko smelled like home. 

 

____________________________________

 

Everyone looked  _ exhausted.  _

 

Exhausted, but happy. 

 

Yuuri wasn’t quite sure he’d made enough food, definitely didn't think he'd made enough food, but once he’d gotten passed the initial shock of seeing his family in person for the first time since he was  _ eighteen, _ he’d started to cry. He cried and cried and cried until he couldn't cry anymore, buried in his mother's chest, clinging to her kimono sleeves so tightly he was surprised he hadn't ripped them. 

 

He'd next wrapped himself around his father, accepting the tears dripped onto his nose and kisses placed across his cheeks, accepted the sobs and tight, tight hug from the beta. He smelled like forests and mud and hard work, like sweet cherry blossoms and cheap sake, like blueberries and peaches. He'd missed his father’s tight hugs and quiet voice and weird humor, missed the way his father would rock him to sleep when he had panic attacks so bad that he threw up all over the bedroom floor, afraid of everything and nothing at the same time. 

 

Yuuri’s glasses were smudged so badly that he couldn't see, and he was breathing so hard that his chest kind of hurt as he choked out heaving sobs, but  _ god _ , he didn't  _ care.  _

 

His sister had ruffled his hair when his father’s hug grew looser, pulled him into her arms, cried silently into his hair. She'd whispered apologies, voice cracking and broken-  _ you didn't deserve that, we should have known, we should have  _ **_done_ ** _ something-  _ and Yuuri accepted them, cupped her face and pressed their foreheads together, hiccupping and sobbing because  _ oh,  _ he'd missed her face so, so much. He'd missed her strength and her harsh tones and caring nature. He’d missed her scent- peaches and honey and sharp spices, freshly chopped wood, ume and lotus, the salt from lake a good thirty kilometers south of their house. He'd missed her calloused hands running through his hair, soothing him and threatening to beat up any alpha boys who hurt him, because never again would Katsuki Yuuri, her little brother, cry over a dumb boy. 

 

Yuuri had turned to Victor next, finally, a grin on his face, flushed and sweaty and covered in snot and tears, and Victor had beamed right back, let the omega fall into his arms and  _ sob _ , happy and nostalgic and relishing in every part of this moment that made it bittersweet. He'd kissed his dark hair and rubbed his back, pressed kisses down his face until he reached his trembling lips, brought them both together sweetly, full of love and nine days worth of longing. Yuuri had placed shaking hands on Victor's jaw and neck, holding him as close as possible, bumping their noses when the alpha went to cup his belly, murmuring ‘I love you’s against his lips, wet with tears and still wobbling with sobs. 

 

Yuuri definitely hadn't made enough food to make up for five years of absence, but this was a start. 

 

It was a start. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Yuuri, this is  _ delicious! Vkusno!” _ Victor moaned around the bite of food in his mouth. “I missed your cooking so  _ much.”  _ A round of agreement passed around the table from his family. 

 

Yuuri nearly dropped his chopsticks in surprise, his cheeks pinking. He tightened his grip on the cheap plastic. 

 

“O-Oh, thank you!” He beamed, giggling at Victor’s warm smile. He stroked over his belly, popping another bite of tofu into his mouth, a content purr bubbling just below the surface, ready to come out at any moment. 

 

“Yuu-chan?” His mother asked softly, catching her son’s attention easily. He smiled at her, gentle and nervous.

 

“Yes, mama?” 

 

_ “How far along are you?”  _ She switched to Japanese, unable to speak English well enough to convey what she wanted to say. 

 

_ “O-Oh. Thirty-three weeks yesterday.”  _ He smiled shyly, cheeks pinking with pride. He turned to Victor, nearly purred when the alpha placed a hand over his thigh, stroking gently and lovingly over his belly with his knuckles, his position not allowing for him to fully cup the bump. Even though he had no idea what Yuuri was saying, he'd seemed to understand, somehow, that they were speaking of the pup. 

 

After they’d all migrated from the doorway, Victor had helped Yuuri's family with their bags, given his parents the spare room and his sister the couch, pointed them to the bathroom and excused Makkachin for being demanding and loud. Toshiya had laughed, much, much better than his wife at speaking English, but still not very good, told the alpha it was alright, that the dog was just excited, and thanked him for the hospitality. 

 

While his parents finished settling- they'd be staying about a week, unable to leave the onsen longer, despite wanting to be close to Yuuri- Victor quite literally wrapped himself around the omega as he hovered over the large pot of food on the stove, cupped his belly and nuzzled his neck and jaw, murmuring sweet words of Yuuri's beauty, whispering apologies into his shoulder for taking so long to get back. Yuuri had turned in his arms and kissed his alpha, brave and starved for the touch of Victor, for his scent, held his face and tangled his fingers into his hair, back pressed uncomfortably against the countertop. 

 

They'd kissed languidly, sweetly, nudging noses and whispering promises and words of love to each other, touching and groping innocently at every bit of skin they could reach. Yuuri's toes had curled, a pit of fire low in his belly, purrs bubbling from his chest as Victor stroked over his bump, over his hips and sides and arms, giggling when the alpha cupped his jaw and neck and tickled behind his ears accidentally. Victor had peppered his face with kisses, eyes a little glassy, if Yuuri wasn't mistaken, cheeks flushed, the expression of utmost  _ bliss  _ lighting his face. 

 

Yuuri had stroked over his cheekbones, murmured an ‘I love you’ against his lips as they came together again, more tears, happy, dripping off his lashes. He'd missed his alpha, missed his touch and his voice, missed his eyes, his hair, his dimples and his forehead, missed the way his eyelids fluttered when he took shaky breaths around Yuuri, completely and utterly enamored with the omega. 

 

They'd made out like teenagers until his parents returned from the bedroom, broke apart so Yuuri could plate the meal, Victor helping to carry dishes and set the table. 

 

Yuuri watched as his mother and father made eye contact across the table, tensing up, panic shooting up his spine and twisting his stomach in knots. 

 

_ “Yuuri… Was this… consensual?” _ His father asked gently, delicately, not wanting to upset his son. His eyes were full of concern, grayed brows furrowed with worry. 

 

_ “Wh-What? What do you mean?”  _

 

_ “Whatever…  _ this  _ is. With Vicchan.”  _ His mother motioned to Victor, voice still gentle and soft, like she was speaking to a frightened, injured animal. The alpha perked at the nickname, going back to his dinner when he realized he wasn't being spoken to.  _ “Did he force you into this?” _

 

_ “N-No!”  _ Yuuri gasped, expression melting into one of horror, the backs of his eyes stinging.  _ “I love him, a-and he loves me!” _

 

_ “Shh, sweetheart. We believe you. We just… needed to make sure. We can tell that he loves you a lot, he talked about you constantly.”  _ His mother smiled warmly at him, Yuuri's shoulders slumping. 

 

His cheeks pinked, then, at his mother's words, dark eyes flicking to his alpha as he scarfed down his meal, eating like he hadn't eaten in months. As if he felt Yuuri's eyes on him, Victor looked over, a bright, brilliant heart-shaped smile, full of love and adoration, lighting up his features. He leaned over, crooning and half purring, to press a kiss to Yuuri’s heated cheek, nuzzling the spot afterwards. 

 

Victor had talked about him. 

 

The thought of Victor, his alpha, babbling like a teenager with a crush, to his parents, about  _ him _ , sent sparks through his belly, up his spine, made Yuuri have to squeeze his legs together a little tighter to keep himself in check. 

 

His alpha loved him. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was late, when they finally had time to themselves. 

 

The moment the bedroom door was closed and locked, Victor’s mouth was on him, kisses trailing across his cheekbones and down his jaw, nipping at the sensitive skin of his scent gland. His hands groped everywhere they could, stroked over his belly gently, lightly scratched at his hips. 

 

Yuuri arched and whined under the touch, pressing into every kiss, into every brush of Victor’s strong hands. He was so starved of his alpha, so starved of his touches and his kisses and his words.

 

Victor nipped down the valley of his breasts and over the top of the fat, kissing and sucking marks into the flesh. Yuuri tangled his fingers into his hair, threading them through the short locks, gasps and grunts tumbling from his lips. Victor’s mouth was on every single bit of skin that wasn't covered by his dress, saliva smeared across his reddening chest. Yuuri whined quietly, biting his lip, and tugged Victor's hair gently, silently begging him to keep going. 

 

“Can I take your dress off, baby?” Victor breathed, barely removing himself from Yuuri’s chest to speak in between kisses, a hand already sliding up Yuuri's thigh and hiking his dress. 

 

“Y-Yes, yes.” Yuuri whispered, soft grunts and quiet, quiet moans filling the air. He panted, drool spilling from his lips, head thrown back against the wall. “P-Please alpha…”

 

Cold air hit his legs and belly as Victor tugged his dress up, Yuuri barely able to push himself off of the wall enough so that Victor could get it over his head to drop it beside them. His hand moved behind Yuuri's back to fiddle with the clasp of his bra. 

 

“God, you're so beautiful.” He growled into the omega’s neck, nipping and biting and sucking, clothed cock pressed against Yuuri's thigh. Yuuri whined, high in the back of his throat, reaching with shaky fingers to tug on Victor's belt, trying to unbuckle it. It was difficult, his belly preventing him from seeing or getting close enough. 

 

“I've got it, baby, hang on.” Victor pushed his hands away carefully, pulling away to yank his belt open and wiggle his jeans down his legs, kicking them off to the side. He tugged his button down off afterwards, throwing it in the general direction of his pants. Yuuri moaned weakly at the sight of him, the sound gaining volume and depth as Victor began touching him again. 

 

Victor unsnapped his bra, cupping one of his breasts immediately after tossing the undergarment to the side, rolling Yuuri’s dark, swollen nipple between two of his fingers. 

 

“A-Ah, alpha, b-bed?” Yuuri blubbered, knees shaking, nails digging into his alpha’s arms. He knew Victor was the only thing keeping him from falling flat on his ass. “P-Please, please, bed.”

 

“Yeah, bed.” Victor pulled away, face flushed and shiny with saliva. His hair was a mess, eyes dark and pupils blown wide.

 

He took Yuuri's hands, leading him towards the bed. He dropped onto it the second the backs of his knees hit it, scooting up against the mountain of pillows at the headboard and leaning against them. He patted his lap. 

 

“Come here, baby.”

 

Yuuri whined, getting onto his knees and crawling forward on the mattress, plopping down on Victor's legs, arms wrapped loosely around his shoulders. He rolled his hips forward as Victor cupped them, gasping out sweetly. 

 

“Shh, shh, beautiful.” Victor pressed gentle kisses up his jaw, far less urgent than he had been a moment ago, massaging Yuuri's plush hips with his thumbs. “As much as I want to hear all those pretty noises, which, believe me, I do, we have to be quiet. Do you think you can be quiet for me?”

 

Yuuri nodded quickly, clamping his mouth shut. He was good at being quiet. With Kazuhiro, if he wasn't quiet he got in trouble, got yelled at, got spanked, and Yuuri didn't want that. He would be quiet and good for his alpha, if that's what he wanted. 

 

Victor smiled at him, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Can I take your panties off?” 

 

Yuuri nodded, rising up onto his knees so Victor could slide the lavender lace down his thick legs, the crotch dark and damp with precum and slick. The alpha lightly squeezed his thighs afterwards, a low, pleased rumble vibrating through his chest. Yuuri forced himself not to respond. 

 

“Why don't you get on your hands and knees,  _ zvezda moya?  _ It will be more comfortable for you. _ ”   _ He hummed, shifting out from underneath the pregnant omega. Yuuri tensed, but nodded anyway, easing himself forward onto his hands and knees, eyes on the dark oak of the headboard. 

 

They'd never done it like this before.

 

Kazuhiro used to only take him from behind, and it  _ hurt _ . Yuuri didn't  _ like  _ it. He was scared for Victor to take him like this, because it must mean he didn't like the way he looked, right? His alpha must be unhappy, so he must not want to see him as he fucked him. 

 

Yuuri whimpered, pressing his cheek into his pillow and wrapping his arms around it. He jerked when Victor stroked up his folds, touch light, before sinking a finger inside of him. His toes curled, eyes squeezing shut. 

 

“Oh Yuuri, oh baby, you're so tight and beautiful.” Victor trailed kisses up his spine, murmuring sweet words of praise and beauty, adding a second finger to Yuuri's dripping cunt. “So good, so beautiful. Oh, I missed you so much.” He whispered, curling and scissoring his fingers, careful and slow and gentle. “Did you miss me?” 

 

Yuuri nodded, biting down hard on his lip. He rocked back against the digits inside of him, clenching around them unintentionally, trying to help stretch himself faster. It was a tight fit, this angle, and Yuuri hadn't been penetrated in over a week. It stung a little, and Yuuri could already feel the tears in his eyes, could feel his slick production lessening. He didn't  _ feel  _ good. But his alpha wanted him, and his alpha would get him, whether Yuuri felt comfortable or good or beautiful or not. 

 

Yuuri felt sick. He felt ugly and fat and stupid. His alpha didn't like the way he looked. He must be so  _ huge  _ and  _ disgusting _ , so awful that Victor didn't even want to see his face. 

 

Yuuri started to pick at everything. 

 

Was it his breasts? Were they not big enough? Too big? Was it the way they moved, or the shape? Was it his face? Was it the expressions he made, or was it the fat making him chubby in his cheeks? Was it the way he held onto Victor? Did his alpha not like to he clung to? Did his alpha not like his noises? Was that why he wanted Yuuri to bury his face in pillows and be quiet?

 

Victor told him he was pretty and beautiful and that he liked his sounds, but maybe he’d changed his mind? Maybe he'd been  _ lying _ .

 

Yuuri's toes curled. The engorged head of Victor’s cock was pressed against his fluttering hole, stroking over the sticky wetness gathered there. 

 

“Are you ready, beautiful?”

 

No, he wasn't ready. He didn't want it, not like this. He didn't want Victor to fuck him from behind. 

 

But the omega nodded anyway, tensing and pressing his face further into his pillow, nails digging into the underside of it. He would deal with it. If his alpha wanted to take him this way, then that was okay. Yuuri would bite the pillow and keep his mouth shut, would keep the tears inside until Victor went to sleep. He would go clean himself up in the bathroom later, would try to work up the courage to touch his throbbing pussy, to make himself feel good. 

 

Yuuri let out a long, high whine as Victor pushed in. 

 

“You okay, baby?”

 

“Y-Yes a-alpha…” Yuuri whispered, so quiet Victor almost didn't hear him, voice hitching on a sob. 

 

“Yuuri… Yuuri, hey, are you alright? What happened, did I hurt you?” 

 

Yuuri peeked back, tears dripping off his lashes and spilling down his cheeks. Victor was frowning, his perfect brows furrowed in concern. He shook his head, lower lip wobbling, arms beginning to shake. 

 

No, no, he wasn't okay. He didn't feel good. 

 

_ God,  _ he was so ashamed. 

 

“Shh,  _ kakat'sya,  _ I’m pulling out.” Yuuri hissed as his alpha slid out, his cock already half soft from panic. 

 

“A-Alpha, s-sorry, sorry-” 

 

“Shh, shh, my Yuuri.” Victor leaned over him. “Let's roll over. Can you get on your side?” Yuuri nodded, slowly maneuvering himself into a comfortable position on his left side, trying to blink away his tears and see his alpha. “Baby, shh…” Yuuri pressed into the hands on his cheeks, hiccuping and choking back sobs. “What happened?”

 

“D-Don't l-like it th-that w-way…” He sobbed. “I'm s-sorry, s-so sorry-”

 

“Hey, hey. That's okay, sweetheart, that's alright.” Victor soothed, brow still furrowed. He stroked his thumbs over Yuuri's cheeks, wiped his tears away gently. “Why didn't you tell me, honey?”

 

“‘M s-sorry.” He hiccuped, little sobs leaving him between shuttering inhales and exhales. “S-Scares me, c-can't see y-you… D-Doesn't f-feel good… Sorry, s-sorry...”

 

“Don't be sorry, darling. Shh, just breath, there we go. Good boy, shh. Come on, Yuuri, baby, breathe. I'm not upset with you, I promise.” Victor murmured sweet praises, attempting to calm his blubbering omega. 

 

It took a while for Yuuri’s breathing to return to normal, for his sobs to subside to sniffles and little hitches of breath. 

 

Victor continued stroking over his cheeks, continued gently nudging their noses together. 

 

“Baby, hey, I'm so, so sorry. I should have realized- no, I mean it, Yuuri.” The alpha gave him a stern look as he began to protest, mouth open to tell Victor it wasn't his fault. “Next time, beautiful, you need to tell me when you don't like something. That way I don't hurt you.” He murmured, pressing kisses to Yuuri's swollen lips between words, gentle and slow. 

 

Yuuri sniffled and nodded, biting down on his lower lip anxiously. 

 

“M sorry…” Victor nodded, pressing their foreheads together, one hand going down to cup the omega’s large belly. 

 

“I don't want to hurt you, Yuuri. I love you very, very much. I don't want you in pain, and I  _ definitely _ don't want to be the one who  _ causes  _ you pain. You and our pup the best things to ever happen to me. I mean that.”

 

Yuuri met his alpha’s eyes, brown staring into blue, searching for any hint of a lie. 

 

But there wasn't one. 

 

Yuuri's lower lip trembled, vision becoming blurry as his eyes once again filled with tears, hot and stinging. 

 

“M-Mate me.” He whispered, allowing the tears to fall, allowing himself a moment of bravery, of want. “Mark me. Please.”

 

Victor smiled, soft and sweet and loving, thumb stroking over Yuuri’s cheekbone. 

 

“Of course, Yuuri.”

 

__________________________________________________

 

Yuuri woke the next morning as a mated omega, curled up in his alpha’s arms. 

 

The mark on Victor's neck was red and swollen, angry looking, and Yuuri was sure his own looked about the same. 

 

His neck throbbed, but the ache was good, dull, and Yuuri was able to easily ignore the pain because last night his alpha had  _ mated _ him, had bitten him and marked him as his own, had officially claimed him as his omega. 

 

And Yuuri had bitten back, had claimed his alpha, had clung to him and sobbed, happy and relieved and feeling every other positive emotion in the universe all at once. Victor just held him, kissed him, tears spilling down his own grinning face, both of them flushed and excited and  _ mated.  _

 

The bonds would scar over, eventually. They would heal and become a white brand that let everyone know who they belonged to. They would no longer be horribly visible unless someone was close, no longer bright and vibrant and vicious. But they would still be there, would still link them together in a way that no one could change or disrupt. Their scents would still forever be mingled. 

 

Yuuri loved his alpha, and he knew, low in his belly, that Victor loved him right back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst than i intended- the sex scene was supposed to be sweet, oops  
> the next one will be, hopefully, lol
> 
> also:  
> the song That's What I Like by Bruno Mars is LITERALLY Victor Extra Nikiforov @ the love of his life, Katsuki Yuuri


	13. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " “Beautiful, aren’t they?” He murmured, looking forward, focused completely on the creatures before them. The light reflected his pale face, showed Yuuri his soft, open expression, made his eyes shine. 
> 
> “Yeah.” Yuuri breathed out, turning his attention back to the jellyfish, pup tapping gently against his hand. “Yeah, they are.”
> 
> Victor made Yuuri glow. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for taking so long to get this chapter out. I've had a lot of personal stuff going on, but I'm doing better recently. The issues gave me terrible writers block, but it finally cleared up, and I was able to actually finish this lol. 
> 
> The next chapter, hopefully, won't take this long, but I can't make any promises, because I am starting school again on Monday. 
> 
> I also got a new computer, so typing and editing and uploading will be much easier, as all of my keys actually work now, haha. 
> 
> I know already what I want to do for the next chapter, so please bear with me, and please be patient!!! 
> 
> Lastly, thank you all so much for your continued support and patience with me :)

Yuuri's eyes fluttered open slowly, the dull throbbing in his neck and shoulder becoming more persistent. His body was unable to ignore the feeling anymore, and it roused him to pale light shining through the curtains.

 

It was still early, probably before seven, and Yuuri only took a short moment before he realized what had  _ really  _ woken him.

 

His full bladder.

 

_ Kuso, kuso, kuso- _

 

Yuuri threw the large duvet off of himself, nearly slamming his foot into the night table on his way out of bed.

 

Oh god, if he didn't get to the bathroom right this second he was going to pee himself. 

 

He heard Victor give a loud snort as he woke suddenly, the thick blanket Yuuri had thrown smacking into his face and the jerking of the bed as he removed himself hastily startling the alpha awake. The bathroom door slammed shut with the force of Yuuri's speed to get to the toilet, Victor jumping in surprise, eyes wide and confused, Yuuri barely, barely, getting his underwear kicked off before he got to the toilet, sighing in relief as the pressure in his belly lessened considerably. 

 

He rubbed over the swell of his abdomen, slumping back against the lid, shoulders sagging. The amount of fluid in his bladder never failed to surprise him, even after months of having to deal with the frequent urination. It was a wonder he could fit so much with how much room his uterus was taking up, large and bloated and housing his son. 

 

Yuuri washed his hands when he was finished, crouching and lifting his haphazardly tossed underwear and slipping them back on with a bit of difficulty before opening the bathroom door, shuffling back into the bedroom. His glasses were still on the night table, so Yuuri didn't have to take them off before he crawled back into bed, tucking his cold toes under the warm, fluffy blankets. 

 

“Yuuri?” The omega blinked up at his mate- his  _ mate!- _ and offered him a sleepy, embarrassed smile. The mark on his neck tingled pleasantly, the rest of his shoulder and the area surrounding the still-red bruise throbbing faintly. 

 

“Good morning,” he whispered into the barely lit room, the light streaming in from the crack between the thick curtains still a pale blue-gray. He reached around himself to rub his shoulder, fingers pressing into his new mark. He could feel the slight divots from Victor’s teeth, the bruise healing nicely, bumpy in places but smooth in others. He sighed sweetly and silently into the air. 

 

“Are you alright,  _ detka?”  _ Victor smiled back, shifting back onto his side to face the omega, reaching out and cupping his face. He stroked over Yuuri's cheek, warm and pink at the sight of Victor’s naked chest, at the sight of the bruised-red mark on his neck. Yuuri's eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into the touch, Victor's thumb adding the perfect, soothing pressure to his cheekbone. 

 

“Mhm. I'm sorry I woke you up.” Yuuri whispered, his body relaxing back into the bed, into the soft mattress that lulled him to sleep so easily. “I had to pee.”

 

“That's just fine, darling. I don't mind.” Victor murmured, pressing his lips against Yuuri's forehead. His silver bangs were tangled, curled, his eyes dark with lingering exhaustion. His cheeks were flushed still from sleep, lips and hands warm against the omega’s face. “Let's get some more rest, okay?”

 

Yuuri hummed in response, nosing the other side of his face into his pillow, the fabric smelling like detergent and everything that was inherently  _ them _ . One of his arms was beneath his head, supporting him, the other curled around the underside of his belly. The baby was squirming, but the movement was slow, soft, and Yuuri knew that meant his pup was getting himself comfortable again and falling back to sleep, probably having been jostled while Yuuri was rushing to the bathroom. 

 

“Sweet dreams, my Yuuri.” Victor shifted their positions, wrapping one arm around Yuuri's waist and pulling him as close as he possibly could with Yuuri's big bump in the way, their noses inches apart. 

 

“Sweet dreams.” Yuuri whispered back, succumbing to the calls of much needed rest within minutes. 

 

* * *

 

 

When Yuuri woke next, the sun was much higher in the sky, and he felt quite a bit more rested. The more yellowed light shining from between the curtains and the smell of food clued him in to how late it must be- it was probably at least nine, if not ten. The salty scent of traditional Japanese breakfast and the almost silent growling of his belly let his half-asleep brain know that he was hungry, most definitely, and the little kicks near his right hip let him know his pup was, too. 

 

His mother was in the kitchen. Yuuri could recognize the scent of her food, of her cooking, anywhere. Tension melted from his shoulders, his stomach, knotted in a way he hadn’t noticed before, unfurled, only pangs of hunger and the little taps against his palm noticeable. He could smell fish, could smell eggs, could even smell the rice steaming in the cooker as if it were right beside him, hot in front of his face. The omega inhaled deeply, savoring the scent, blindly reaching for his glasses and slipping them onto his face. 

 

Yuuri blinked a few times to adjust his vision, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms underneath his glasses, yawning largely but inaudibly. He breathed out a little contented noise, doing his best to sit up slowly, to not move too much and wake his snoring mate beside him. 

 

He was successful in slipping from bed, his toes hitting the ugly beige carpet without a sound. Yuuri tucked his side of the bed back in, waddling towards the bedroom door and grabbing his robe, pulling it on over his gown and tying it loosely below his breasts, the only place the belt still fit. 

 

He cupped his stomach as he moved to the kitchen, lower belly fluttering with excitement at the thought of getting to eat his mother’s food again. 

 

He'd missed her. 

 

“Mama?” He called softly, biting back another large yawn. His bare feet padded from hardwood to tile with cute little slaps and plips, his toes cold due to the air conditioning coming from the floor vents. The heat was stifling inside and out without the cool air, and Yuuri tended to overheat nowadays anyway, so AC was a must at all times, even during the night or when Yuuri did eventually get cold. 

 

_ “Ohayou _ , Yuu-chan.” Hiroko tilted her head back to peer at her son, round face melting into a warm smile at the sight of him. She was darker than both of her children, who had gotten their complexions from their father. “How are you this morning, my love?”

 

Yuuri returned the smile, placing himself down carefully into one of the kitchen chairs. He really wished they had cushions. “I'm wonderful, mama.” He stretched his arms out, relaxing into his seat with a sigh. He held his belly with one hand, the other resting on the table. “Breakfast smells really good.”

 

“I'm glad.” The woman’s smile just got brighter, her large cheeks flushing happily. 

 

Yuuri's father was the more professional cook of the two, having actually gone to culinary school, so he usually worked in the inn’s kitchen. But Hiroko’s cooking was more like what they ate at home, with family rather than at some sort of establishment, like a hotel or restaurant. It was a mother’s cooking, so she was usually the one to cook for the family or personal guests. Her food had unbeatable taste, unbeatable love inside of it that his father’s just didn't have. What his dad cooked certainly had love, no doubt about it, but it was different. 

 

Yuuri's stomach growled loudly, the pup wiggling and kicking more vigorously inside his mother’s belly. 

 

“Hungry?” Hiroko teased, flipping something in the skillet before her. 

 

“Yeah.” Yuuri pinked, smiling at her even though she was facing the other way. “The baby can smell eggs. He- oof- he  _ loves  _ eggs. He won't stop moving.”

 

“May I feel?” At Yuuri's nod, Hiroko sat her spatula down, wiping her pudgy hands on a dishrag before turning to face him. She had a smear of flour on her cheek from what was probably breading the fish, and Yuuri grinned at her. 

 

He held his hand out for the rag when she walked over, carefully dabbing at her face with the mustard yellow cloth. He sat it on the table when he was done, leaning back to give his mother access to his bump. She held her hands out for him to take, allowing him to place them where his son was most active. 

 

Her dark eyes lit up, face exploding into one of the biggest and happiest grins Yuuri had ever seen. He couldn't stop himself from grinning back, laughing at her excited rambling in their native language about feeling her grandchild kick. 

 

His father was sobbing happily twenty minutes later, a trembling hand on the left side of Yuuri's extended belly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In just two days, they'd all developed their own easy pattern of life. Hiroko made a simple breakfast in the mornings, typically rice, eggs, and some type of fish, around nine-thirty, and Mari and Yuuri cleaned the dishes afterwards. 

 

Mari made sure she did most of the work, despite Yuuri's protests that he was perfectly capable and willing to do the dishes, and that she was a guest so she didn't have to. 

 

Victor just casually reminded the both of them that they had a dishwasher. 

 

Hiroko would giggle and roll her eyes at the comment, letting Victor know that the two of them wanted to help, that they were raised to do their part around the onsen, which included hand washing plates and bowls and silverware while the dishwasher was full. They enjoyed it; it was stress relieving. 

 

Things were easy, and nice, but it was quickly becoming cramped inside the loft. 

 

They only had two bedrooms in the large apartment, so Mari had to sleep on the couch, which Victor bought more for the aesthetic than for how comfortable or large it was. Thankfully Mari wasn't a big woman- stout, maybe, but short- so she fit just fine. But trying to watch movies or overall just interact with each other was more difficult, because half of them ended up sitting on the floor. 

 

Because of this, they had to find other things to do, other ways to have fun and spend time together. Victor knew his way around the city, of course, having lived in it for years, so he knew where all the best places where, knew of all the fun things to do. 

 

Many ideas were shot down, though. The walk was often going to be too far for Yuuri to make comfortably, and Hiroko had problems with too-small spaces, so they couldn't take certain subway trains, or even buses, because in New York City public transit was almost always cramped and hot and all around unenjoyable, and would probably put everyone in a bad mood before the fun even started. 

 

They were limited to a certain radius, something within fifteen blocks at the most without driving. They were left with few options- three shopping malls, many blocks of high-end stores, a few museums, like MOMA, Central Park, and an aquarium just a few blocks out of their target area. 

 

Yuuri didn't feel like shopping, though his family was all for it, wanting to buy baby clothes and anything else they could get their hands on for their unborn grandchild, or nephew in Mari’s case. The omega did manage to finally convince them  _ not  _ to go to one of the shopping outlets, because a), everything here was beyond expensive and they absolutely could not afford it, and b), Yuuri really did not want to try anything on or walk around on aching feet while people on the street fawned over his belly. 

 

MOMA was vetoed quickly, only because Victor had been so many times he physically found no appeal in all but one or two exhibits. He was willing to go, of course, if everyone wanted to, teasingly said he would only complain a little, but no one was really interested enough to pay the large admission fee. 

 

That left them with Central Park and it's surrounding area, and the aquarium. 

 

They all quickly agreed to the aquarium, not wanting to be outside in a damp, muddy, humid park the day after it had stormed. Plus, it was hot, so very hot, especially for how late in the year it was, and at least the aquarium would have dry seats and air conditioning. It also had more things to see, like glowing jellyfish and manta rays and starfish they could touch. The aquarium was large, so it also housed a variety of amphibians and water-attracted reptiles, as well as certain mammals, like otters, and some aquatic birds, like puffins and penguins. 

 

It had been a long time since any of the Katsukis had been to an aquarium, not having one in their tiny little seaside town, and not typically having enough money or time off to take a train to a place like Fukuoka. It was exciting, and even Mari was practically buzzing with anticipation by the time they arrived. 

 

The building was large, and sleek, and almost startlingly modern. It was dark, a strange charcoal shade of black, with swirls of blues and greens making it appear to glow, even during the day with the sun beating against it. 

 

The inside was barely lit by blue-gray light, making everything feel like a dream, making time seem unreal. The water from the huge tanks rippled with light each time a creature moved, each time an octopus’s tentacles pulled in and pushed out, each time a ray or a fish or a shark rolled onto its side to show its belly as it passed. 

 

Yuuri wondered how fish could even stand to have water so cold that it was royal blue in color. Sure their bodies were made for it, but just the thought of water that cold gave him chills, made him wish he'd brought a coat instead of a thick button-up sweater. Victor stroked his arm when goosebumps rose. 

 

They continued on like that for a while, just looking and moving slowly, taking it all in, up until they passed through a set of tank-tunnels, big, brightly colored fish and small sharks swimming all around them, even above their heads and below their feet. A few of the larger sharks papped their noses against the glass as if to say hello, looking much less threatening than a shark had ever looked or been described to Yuuri in his life. The sight made Victor laugh, and he began to happily coo at the friendly horn sharks in Russian as if he were loving on a fluffy dog. 

 

“What is the name of that one, Yuu-chan?” Toshiya tapped his son’s shoulder part of the way through the last tunnel, pointing to a small, wiggly, spotted shark that looked like a bristlenose pleco, only grayer and larger. 

 

“That's a…” Yuuri squinted at the nameplate by the picture of the shark, pushing his glasses up on his face. “That's a catshark. An Australian marbled catshark.” He smiled kindly at his father, who thanked him with a nod of his head and a warm grin. 

 

It wasn't long before they arrived at the penguins, and Mari was at the glass faster than Yuuri had ever seen her move before. His sister loved penguins, always had and probably always would. Her favorites were the short fat ones with yellow whiskers for eyebrows, called rockhopper penguins, and Yuuri had to admit they were pretty funny looking. If Yuuri cared enough about penguins, they probably would have been his favorite too. 

 

Once the bubbly pit of ecstasy from seeing the flightless birds had simmered down in Mari’s stomach they moved on, the corridor leading them to the hands-on part of the aquarium, with large, low tanks, full of water but open, little creatures floating and scuttling through the sand. There were all kind of crustaceans, from fiddler crabs to sea snails, and even barnacles. There were at least a hundred starfish, if not more, plastered on the faux ocean floor and on the glass sides of the enclosures, suckers holding them still even when crabs bumped them. 

 

There were sea cucumbers that the employees allowed them to touch, let them run two fingers over the almost-slimy backs of the green and black echinoderms. The workers allowed them to pick up sea snails and stroke over certain purple and orange and pink starfish, allowed them to poke at sea sponges and watch them jerk away in a way similar to how anemones retract in on themselves when threatened. 

 

They stayed in that room the longest, close to half an hour, before moving on, passing by the amphibians quickly because Mari was afraid of frogs. They bypassed reptiles too, because apparently Victor thought anything with scales and four legs was absolutely disgusting, and if he had to look a lizard in the eye he swore he was going to puke. 

 

They made it to mammals, the last exhibit before the one Yuuri was really and truly here for, fairly quickly. The otters did tricks in the water and made little sounds, some of them trained to wave once on land, others just floating and holding a ball or a rock or the hand of another otter for security. A few rooms over were dolphins and seals, though m most of them were up for the evening, as they typically retired fairly early, and it was already four thirty. 

 

After ten minutes with the otters and a quick peek at the two beluga whales lazily floating in their tanks after dinner, they moved on. Yuuri sped up the closer they got to the very last room, dark and unlit save for the fluorescent jellyfish in floor-to-ceiling lavalamp-like tanks. 

 

The invertebrates ranged from light neon blue to hot pink, glowing and tentacles fluttering as they moved. Yuuri moved quickly to a long, dark tank of green, full of luminescent jellies, most of them very small, and could probably fit in the palm of the omega’s hand. He rubbed the underside of his belly in circular motions, eyes wide and sparkling as he stared, fingertips of his free hand brushing against the glass. 

 

Yuuri had loved jellyfish for a long time, loved how they moved, how free they were, how many of them glowed brightly even in the dark. He wished he could glow, wished he could be visible even in the lowest, darkest parts of life.

 

The omega turned to the side at the gentle tickling sensation of fingers against his lower back. He leaned against his mate without thought, Victor’s thumb massaging over his widened hip. 

 

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” He murmured, looking forward, focused completely on the creatures before them. The light reflected his pale face, showed Yuuri his soft, open expression, made his eyes shine. 

 

“Yeah.” Yuuri breathed out, turning his attention back to the jellyfish, pup tapping gently against his hand. “Yeah, they are.”

 

Victor made Yuuri glow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's most likely going to be some heavy angst in the next chapter that will include Yuuri's old alpha, Kazuhiro, so be warned, and be prepared.
> 
> I also have a few new fics in the works, so be ready for some new content ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, holy shit


End file.
